Free Facing the Music by Larry Brown Page B

thought about it. His eyes didn’t close. Give me a good old love story anytime. It was one of those space movies. The foot of the fetus was smaller than his thumb. It was just like shooting a dog. I yelled for him as loud as I could. The first boy went around and tried to open the door. I made a decision right there on that backseat, naked, holding her. Julie drew up and leaned against her side of the car. I didn’t say anything. My mother would be a grandmother. “You can’t hide it forever,” I said. But sometimes when you do things, you have to pay for them. She had on a red dress and white shoes. She had already gone somewhere, on a date, I guess. Almost all of her friends were married and she wasn’t used to dating and she probably worried over what I thought about it. I went into her room and I woke her up. I thought about it. I don’t know how long we did it that night. It seemed like that broke the ice. There was blood dripping off my face. It made everything seem so nice. “What do you think?” she said. You can’t place your order and pull on around and have it ready within thirty seconds without having it cooked ahead of time. She was two months pregnant. So I went out there and got her one. His hands relaxed and one of his feet kicked. They have to. But it was only a matter of time. “We don’t want any trouble,” I said. On that backseat with her I felt I had all the happiness I’d ever need. They had her tied onthe ground with her arms around a tree. In Memphis. All this is fuzzy. I had to keep wiping the blood out of my eyes. Mother stays gone all the time. I couldn’t tell her. It had already been in all the papers about the boy they found. Maybe even me. He stomped on my head. The third boy was still standing in the road. I remember he just rolled over and pulled the covers up over him. We’d taken all kinds of crazy chances. She said what was done was done. His face was down in the mud. I’m for life. There weren’t any napkins and they didn’t give us enough ketchup. “You told her?” I said. She said think about it. She hadn’t come right out and said it. Nobody wants to. I eased it up into park and got out with my hands up. It had taken her a long time to get over Daddy leaving her, but she was beginning to make the most of it. It was sharp. They must have known I was there. “You kids have a good time,” her mother said. I asked her if she wanted to go to the police or the hospital or what. I don’t know how we got over in the woods. Julie wasn’t anywhere around. She told it like she was in a trance. There were junked cars all over the pasture. “Just tell me what you want me to do,” I said. “If you want this car you can have it.” We’d get so hot we just wouldn’t think clearly. He’d laid the rifle down. I just unlocked the door and went on into the kitchen. I knew he’d hurt her. “Please,” I said, “don’t hurt her.” He was trying to pull the motor out of a ’68 Camaro down in the pasture. I think my mind has tried to cover it up some way. “Please,” he said. “Please please please.” It wasn’t that bad. I didn’t think anything about it. “What’s wrong?” she said. They had homemade tombstones, carved out of sandrock. I didn’twant to hurt her. The first one was doing something to her. The glass was fogged over with our breathing. My car was over there. I didn’t want to get up. I couldn’t see her getting an abortion. It was pretty good. The first one was puking against a tree. It’s a hell of a thing, to see your mother doing that. “Would you just hold me for a little while?” I said. The gun went off. “What?” I said. The one who kicked me put a knife against my throat and I didn’t do anything else. “Then we’ll tell yours,” she said. But I