nodded.
“You’re not from around here, are ya?” She batted her eyelashes at him. The wrinkles around her eyes, set on a leathery face, ruined the effect for him.
“Naw. I’m new in town.” Finished with her, he looked around the bar again.
“I could show you around if you’d like.” She wiggled in her chair.
“It ain’t that big a place.” His eyes continued to scan the bar.
“I bet I could show you a thing or two.”
A woman in her mid-thirties with blond hair cut Farrah Fawcett style and jeans that fit her exceptionally well sat down on the other side of Lenny. She wore black boots with four-inch heels, and a bright red silky blouse with the top three buttons unbuttoned. She smiled shyly at Lenny and asked Cash for a strawberry daiquiri.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Lenny said, turning on the stool so his knees brushed her thigh.
“Hireyew?” she said, her eyes checking out the ring finger on his left hand.
A vast file of pickup lines ran through Lenny’s mind. “I hope you know CPR, ‘cause, baby, you take my breath away.”
She giggled and brushed her hair off her shoulder with a flick of her wrist.
“Allow me.” His attention now totally on the younger woman, he peeled off some dollar bills and handed them to Cash.
The older woman sighed and got up. She ran her hand across Lenny’s back as she walked away, saying, “See you around, sailor.”
He bought Farrah two more daiquiris while he chatted her up. Thirty minutes later, he said she was in no shape to drive, and he insisted on taking her home.
Officer Hank Beanblossom walked into the chief’s office Monday morning and plopped a bag of greasy donuts onto his desk.
“We got an issue, Chief.”
“Oh yeah? A donut crisis? Is Jefferson hitting the sauce again and burning the donuts?”
Hank shot him a look. “No. Bernadette says this morning the phone’s been ringing off the hook with reports of pumpkins being snatched off front porches.”
“Pumpkins?”
“Yeah, you know, big round orange things with a stem? They’re especially prominent in October. Some make pies out of them, some make muffins, or you can turn them into jack-o-”
“I know what a punkin is, goldernit,” Johnny interrupted. “But why would anyone be stealing them?”
“I got no earthly idea. It takes all kinds, you know?”
“Are they smushed out on the roads?”
“Nope. They’re just gone. Poof.” Hank made a hand motion as if he were a magician making something disappear out of thin air.
“Okay. Call up the Gazette . Tell them to print a warning for people to bring in their pumpkins at night. Tell them to ask folks to be on the lookout for a pumpkin-stealing perp. Y’all warn folks when you’re patrolling, and keep your eyes out for a pile of pumpkins stashed somewhere.”
“Gee, Chief, it’s not like a felony has been committed.”
“No, but these things can get folks fired up. Let’s try to nip it in the bud.”
Hank reached in the sack for a donut. “Goose Pimple Junction: a hotbed of crime.”
The men were laughing when Bernadette showed up in the doorway, arms crossed in front of her, a stern look on her face. “Two things.” She held up two fingers in front of her. “A couple of bozos were in here asking about one”—she looked at a piece of paper in her hand—”Leonard Applewhite.”
Johnny was biting into a powdered sugar donut but gasped slightly at the mention of Lenny’s name. He breathed in powdered sugar and began choking and coughing.
“Chief, you all right?” Hank got up, looking like he intended to thump the chief on his back.
“Don’t you dare.” He held up a hand. “I’m fine,” he croaked, through powdered sugar-covered lips. He looked at Bernadette. “What did they want with him?” He coughed twice more.
Bernadette motioned for Johnny to wipe his lips. “They just wanted to know if we had a resident by the name of Leonard or Lenny Applewhite, or if there were any arrest reports on someone
“You’re not from around here, are ya?” She batted her eyelashes at him. The wrinkles around her eyes, set on a leathery face, ruined the effect for him.
“Naw. I’m new in town.” Finished with her, he looked around the bar again.
“I could show you around if you’d like.” She wiggled in her chair.
“It ain’t that big a place.” His eyes continued to scan the bar.
“I bet I could show you a thing or two.”
A woman in her mid-thirties with blond hair cut Farrah Fawcett style and jeans that fit her exceptionally well sat down on the other side of Lenny. She wore black boots with four-inch heels, and a bright red silky blouse with the top three buttons unbuttoned. She smiled shyly at Lenny and asked Cash for a strawberry daiquiri.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Lenny said, turning on the stool so his knees brushed her thigh.
“Hireyew?” she said, her eyes checking out the ring finger on his left hand.
A vast file of pickup lines ran through Lenny’s mind. “I hope you know CPR, ‘cause, baby, you take my breath away.”
She giggled and brushed her hair off her shoulder with a flick of her wrist.
“Allow me.” His attention now totally on the younger woman, he peeled off some dollar bills and handed them to Cash.
The older woman sighed and got up. She ran her hand across Lenny’s back as she walked away, saying, “See you around, sailor.”
He bought Farrah two more daiquiris while he chatted her up. Thirty minutes later, he said she was in no shape to drive, and he insisted on taking her home.
Officer Hank Beanblossom walked into the chief’s office Monday morning and plopped a bag of greasy donuts onto his desk.
“We got an issue, Chief.”
“Oh yeah? A donut crisis? Is Jefferson hitting the sauce again and burning the donuts?”
Hank shot him a look. “No. Bernadette says this morning the phone’s been ringing off the hook with reports of pumpkins being snatched off front porches.”
“Pumpkins?”
“Yeah, you know, big round orange things with a stem? They’re especially prominent in October. Some make pies out of them, some make muffins, or you can turn them into jack-o-”
“I know what a punkin is, goldernit,” Johnny interrupted. “But why would anyone be stealing them?”
“I got no earthly idea. It takes all kinds, you know?”
“Are they smushed out on the roads?”
“Nope. They’re just gone. Poof.” Hank made a hand motion as if he were a magician making something disappear out of thin air.
“Okay. Call up the Gazette . Tell them to print a warning for people to bring in their pumpkins at night. Tell them to ask folks to be on the lookout for a pumpkin-stealing perp. Y’all warn folks when you’re patrolling, and keep your eyes out for a pile of pumpkins stashed somewhere.”
“Gee, Chief, it’s not like a felony has been committed.”
“No, but these things can get folks fired up. Let’s try to nip it in the bud.”
Hank reached in the sack for a donut. “Goose Pimple Junction: a hotbed of crime.”
The men were laughing when Bernadette showed up in the doorway, arms crossed in front of her, a stern look on her face. “Two things.” She held up two fingers in front of her. “A couple of bozos were in here asking about one”—she looked at a piece of paper in her hand—”Leonard Applewhite.”
Johnny was biting into a powdered sugar donut but gasped slightly at the mention of Lenny’s name. He breathed in powdered sugar and began choking and coughing.
“Chief, you all right?” Hank got up, looking like he intended to thump the chief on his back.
“Don’t you dare.” He held up a hand. “I’m fine,” he croaked, through powdered sugar-covered lips. He looked at Bernadette. “What did they want with him?” He coughed twice more.
Bernadette motioned for Johnny to wipe his lips. “They just wanted to know if we had a resident by the name of Leonard or Lenny Applewhite, or if there were any arrest reports on someone