Free Bertie and the Hairdresser Who Ruled the World by Mike A Vickers

the macaw at a nearby facility. There are one or two minor arrangements still to complete with my team, but essentially I am in a position to move on your instruction. If required, I can guarantee the macaw will be in our hands by the end of the week.’
    The men looked at each other around the table, then nodded in unison.
    Miller smiled. ‘Thank you, gentlemen, it looks like I’m heading west. Time to break out the wellies and grease up the sheep.’

CHAPTER FIVE
    â€˜You must tell the police! I’ll not have another man touching my husband’s private parts.’
    Celeste was adamant. James stood before her with his trousers and leather pants down around his ankles. She was shocked at the marbled bruising on his space hoppers. They were definitely the wrong colour. Plummy. Literally! His spuds had actually darkened like a pair of Victorias fit to fall in autumn. Add into the mix the PM’s pen tattoo and James’s lower half was beginning to look exceedingly artistic. A sort of Jackson Pollock-inspired post-expressionist study in blue.
    Bertie bobbed on his perch, watching them both with great interest. This looked like it was shaping up as a typical evening for his mum and dad. No doubt Dad would start kneeling soon – he did look good kneeling, especially in leather – and when that happened a jolly good time would be had by all.
    â€˜Is that wise, darling? I feel I’m already taking a risk telling you. These people need to be taken seriously.’
    â€˜I think it’s safe to assume we passed way beyond risk when you dropped off their cash with the old lady.’
    â€˜I’m not taking any bribe,’ said James flatly. ‘I needed to get rid of that bag as soon as possible. Besides, she looked like she could do with a bit of help.’
    â€˜Darling, I think what you did was absolutely wonderful. That’s why I love you so much.’ She peered at his injured undercarriage again. ‘I think I’m going to run you a nice hot bath with extra bubbles, then we’ll get some soothing lotion rubbed into those. How does that sound?’
    â€˜Will I be tied up?’
    â€˜Of course.’
    â€˜Gagged?’
    â€˜Naturally.’
    â€˜Then that sounds absolutely splendid. It’s a radical treatment regime from the cutting edge of medicine, but I think it’ll really help with the bruising.’ He paused, suddenly unsure, then sighed unhappily. ‘Frankly, I’m still in two minds as to whether I should have even mentioned what happened.’
    â€˜Like you can possibly imagine I’d not notice something was wrong,’ she observed with impressive sarcasm. ‘Honestly, James, we are talking about my favourite parts of you. Well, apart from your red hot bot, of course.’
    â€˜I don’t want to put you in any danger. I’d never forgive myself if any harm came to you. Or Bertie.’
    â€˜It won’t. My baby will protect me, won’t you, sweetheart.’
    â€˜Oh, yes,’ said Bertie, ‘I will. What am I saying?’ he added conversationally.
    â€˜I’m sure he will, but they’ll know if we go to the police. These sort of people always know, and there’s no way I’m risking getting you involved. Or Bertie.’ James stepped out of his trousers and pants, his lower nakedness wafted by dangling shirt tails. He winced at the tenderness in his marital department. ‘God, I’m getting flashbacks to those burglars in London. You don’t think it’s anything to do with them, do you? They’re out of prison now.’
    â€˜I don’t know. Maybe.’ They stared at each other for a few moments. Bertie sensed they were both at a loss. It didn’t happen often, especially with Celeste. She was a woman who knew her mind, who took control. Especially over her mate. It didn’t look like he was going to see her in her finest plumage after all. He guessed