Free Roberta: Bride of Wisconsin (American Mail-Order Bride 30) by Kirsten Osbourne Page A

but he couldn't do that to Erna. He had loved her too much to ever be willing to have relations with another woman.
    He heard the crunch of the leaves behind him, and then felt a hand on his arm. He knew it was Bobbie without even looking. "It can't happen, you know."
    "Why not?" she asked, her voice soft. "When I first arrived, I didn't think it could happen, but now I'm starting to think maybe it could. Am I so hideous that you could never see having a real marriage with me?"
    "No, I wish you were," he said. "I would feel like I was betraying Erna if I allowed that to happen, though, and I can't see betraying her. I loved her with everything inside me, and we had two children together. Do you know I married her when I was only eighteen? And she was sixteen? She had Konrad before her eighteenth birthday, and we were sure our love would last forever. We talked about our grandchildren and our great grandchildren. We both loved the idea of watching them play."
    "I hope you know I'd never try to replace Erna. I know she was too important to you for that. I just want to have a place in all your lives as well. For more than my cooking and cleaning." Bobbie felt like she was pathetic, begging for his love. She hadn't even known him for a week.
    He shrugged. "I don't know that it can ever happen though. I said I'd love her until I died."
    "If you're talking about the wedding vows, you didn't. You said you'd love her until death parted you. It has. She's dead, and you're alive. You have the right to have a life without her, you know."
    "I don't think that's true. I have the right to keep going and be there for my sons, but not to love again."
    Bobbie sighed. "All right. I can understand that." She started to turn away.
    "I think if I could love someone again, it would be you, and that makes this so much harder."
    "Why? Shouldn't that make it easier?"
    He shook his head. "No. If I thought I could never love you, it would be easy to take you to bed. It would be easy to let you in my life. But knowing I could love you? It's harder, because I can't betray her that way. It would break my heart."
    "So instead you'll break mine. I understand." She turned and walked back to the quilt, where the boys had left their empty plates. They were back to throwing the ball she'd brought back and forth.
    She stretched her legs out in front of her, leaning back on her palms, enjoying the feel of the sun on her face. Her eyes were closed, and she breathed deeply of the autumn air, trying not to dwell on the conversation she'd just had with Jakob. At least he felt like he could fall in love with her. That was a good thing, right?
    She heard the sound of leaves crunching, and a hand touched her arm. "I'm sorry, Bobbie."
    "No, you're not. You've made the choice to live the rest of your life grieving. I can understand that. You told me that's how it would be the day I arrived. I never should have gotten my hopes up that anything would change."
    He frowned. "Walk with me. Please."
    She opened one eye and peeked at him before getting to her feet. He seemed sincere.
    They'd walked at least a quarter of a mile before he spoke. "I am attracted to you, whether I want to be or not."
    "Is that so terrible?"
    He shook his head. "It could be. I promised Erna on the day we buried her that I would never love a woman the way I loved her."
    "That's my whole point here, Jakob. You wouldn't love me the way you loved her. You would love me the way you love me. I'm a different woman than Erna was. I have a very different background, I'm sure. I'm already twenty-two. I'm a strong independent woman, and I don't plan on that changing. Already, I'm trying to think of something I can do to make money. I'll get caught up on everything around the house. I'll get you three men ready for the whole winter with your clothes, but I'll have that done within the next couple of weeks, and then I'll start looking for something else to do. We may not need money, but I can't sit idly. I need to