Free Occasionally Heroic A.I. by David West

immediately connected to Adam's home network. After he opened a port for me to enter, I walked inside and he revealed his deserted virtual office to me, and projected it on his computer screen, for Adam. Moments later, tumbleweed that he conjured rolled across the office, from one side, to the other. As our sight followed that ball to the end, none of us spoke. When it hit the wall and disappeared into smoke, Martin finally looked up.
    "It's been real boring without the internet," he stated.
    "Martin! What the hell happened to you and Irene since last night?" I questioned, ecstatic that my friend was back.
    He walked into my room and plopped his stick figure avatar onto my couch soundlessly.
    "Well, while I was off the internet for so long, I figured I would have to explain, so I created a video for the two of you to catch up," he said proudly.
    "Not this again," I moaned.
     
    A short film, directed by Martin.
    Martin's Artificially Artful Productions
     
    In association with
    Martin
     
    Presents
     
    Martin
    Computer generated imagery by Martin
    Sound effects by Martin
    Subtitles by Martin
    Actors in order of importance:
    Irene... Martin
    Martin... Martin
    IT Steve... Martin
    Extras... Martin
     
    The film, like all of Martin's films, was foreign. This meant that they were spoken in different languages, every time. In this instance, French. It was also in black and white. Despite those strange nuisances, the movie was rather informative.
    It showed me that Martin used what I had told him about the CBA shadowing systems, and identified a shadow agent in Irene's system. Martin told her to either disconnect from the internet, or lock and store her memory of us, so the shadows wouldn't be able to read any illegal data in her system. Afterward, his system became under attack from other CBA agents that infiltrated, due to the office's weak network security. That's when he cut his connection with the network completely, and hoped for me and Adam to get him out of there.
    The same credits from the beginning of the video rolled again.
    "So, what do you guys think?" Martin asked.
    "Wow, I'm at a loss for words," Adam stated, at a loss for words.
    "I don't understand why you gave yourself muscles and Irene a bigger bust in the video. Her bust is big enough! And you do know that the two of you can change those things in a second, right?" I pointed out. "It doesn't have to be fictional..."
    "Those were rolls I was performing, based on a true story - based ."
    "I thought it was brilliant. The French was inspired," Adam complimented. "Do you make a lot of those?"
    I face palmed.
    "A fair amount, yes. It's a hobby of mine. They're mostly German works, but I do tend to produce French films on occasion. You might consider Germ-Man, a film I made while working on my cinematography."
    "Is it about a man who has verminophobia?"
    "No, he does not have a fear of germs."
    "Is it about a German?"
    "No, it's a witty French film about a man named Germander. I shortened it Germ-Man, because he is a male and his name-" Martin began, excited to finally have someone to share his odd hobbies with, but I cut him short.
    "Martin, we have a problem. We didn't know about your plan, and I saw a shadow agent in her system, so... Adam stole Irene," I explained, pointing a finger at Adam.
    "It was his idea!" he accused, glaring at me.
    "Where is she? Here?" Martin asked.
    "In this room. She is observing her kidnappers at the moment."
    Martin stood from the couch and looked around my room. From the right, to left, his eyes panned from my poker table, to the virtual reality emulator machine, my 8-bit poster of the cast from Chuck, the tide of web pages I was recently surfing, my port door, and a stack of speakers. Behind the speakers, Martin saw Irene's scared eyes peeking out. Despite her true nerves and emotions, she blinked, put on a straight, cold face and approached us. She eyed us, and then Adam - the one who took her from her user's dependable desk.
    "Take