Free The Fields by Kevin Maher Page A

interested in Saidhbh than they are in the reek of drink.
    Saidhbh Donohue! gasps Sarah through a mouthful of mashed melon, as if I had just said I was out with Jane Fonda or Bo Derek.
    Yeah, I say, trying to be casual, trying to aim the story away from the danger zones of Mozzo and HCL. Met her down the road with Gary and she just wanted a chat over some fizzies.
    I hear she’s going out with Declan Morrissey now, says Susan, bluntly whacking my story into the red.
    That little pup? says Mam, getting edgy on her own seat, What’s a smasher like her see in that savage? He wasn’t there last night, was he?
    She’s not so great herself, says Claire, thankfully cutting in. Thinks she’s above us all, little snooty wagon. All those Mhuire ni Bheatha girls are the same. Little Irish princesses.
    Pretty Irish Girls, says Susan, which is a coded way of saying PIGs.
    I’ve heard her dad’s a right Provo, says Siobhan, adjusting the collar of her blouse and trying to stir things up.
    That would be right, adds Dad, second comment of the day. Down at the British Embassy protesting about Bobby Sands whenever he gets the chance, with all his Provo buddies.
    Jason Davit said that he runs a summer school in Galway, says Susan, where everyone does IRA target practice and learns how to make bombs.
    Jason Davit’s a gobshite, says Fiona.
    Fiona! snaps Mam.
    All I’m saying, says Claire, like a real know-all, is that Saidhbh Donohue isn’t the little princess that everyone thinks she is!
    Loverboy obviously does, says Sarah, smiling over at me, sensing a weakness.
    They all start to sing, at the same time, the song about me and Saidhbh being up a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. I turn my back to them and scrub the melon-ball bowls in the sink, but I know my ears have gone as red as my cheeks, giving my feelings for Saidhbh away.
    Mam’s confused, and sounds like she’s a bit hurt. She’s too old for you, pet!
    And a Provo! adds Sarah, loving my pain.
    And if you want to know, bursts in Claire excitedly, simply unable to contain herself, I’ve heard she’s on the pill!
    What’s the pill? says Susan.
    Mind your mouth! shouts Dad at Susan, his best girl, whose bottom lip immediately starts to wobble.
    Sarah’ll tell you what the pill is, teases Fiona.
    Sarah’s eyes pop, and she glares at Fiona.
    Mam catches the glare and looks shocked.
    Dad’s got his head back in his hands.
    I feel that there’s no point in waiting for a better time to ask, and since we’re on the subject I say, Saidhbh has invited me to a party in the Donohues’ tonight, am I allowed to go?
    There’s a joke that Dad tells a lot, when he’s being a wildcard, and stroking his moustache at the ladies. It’s about the Queen, and she’s touring a hospital in Dublin, and wants to see the baby ward. Now in this particular hospital the Protestant and the Catholic wards are separated. So the Queen visits the Catholic ward first. She walks up to a woman lying in bed with her baby and she says, and for this bit Dad puts on a deadly posh accent, And hew menny childreen does yew heeve et heme?
    The woman in the bed says that she has six others at home, and the Queen, not shocked at all, says, Gewd Catholic femily.
    The Queen then moves on to the Protestant ward. Again, she walks up to a woman, lying in bed with her baby and reading the
Irish Times
and she asks, And hew menny childreen does yew heeve et heme?
    The Protestant woman says that she has three others waiting for her at home, and to this the Queen says, Randy Bitch!
    Then everyone bursts out laughing, especially Dad, who thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world, and when he’s telling it with the Connells around, like at a party, he pretends that itactually happened to Maura Connell and Mam, coz they’re Protestants and Catholics. And at the climax he says, Randy Bitch, Randy Bitch! How do you like that Maura, Randy Bitch?! Maura Connell then usually tells him to go away with himself, and that he’s an awful