Free Chasing Forever by Pamela Ann

he thought something was funny. I took it all in like a lovesick puppy.
    I remembered thinking that , if this was the one and only time I had—this chance with him—I’d rather savor every second of it. I wasn’t going to hold back. So when our food arrived, I had to force myself to eat, hoping this minor distraction would help me focus on getting to know him better instead of gawking at him.
    At first, we just quietly started eating. Though, when he opened the subject about movies, it got the ball rolling, so to speak. I found out that he was a fan of Godfather, and yet, he also appreciated movies like Schindler’s List and My Big Fat Greek Wedding . We obviously had tons in common. Therefore, during the course of another hour, we chatted about anything and everything.
    I was saddened when we had to leave the restaurant and dr ive back to my apartment in Covent Garden. We were both silent the entire way, left with our own thoughts, reflecting on how dinner had gone. The journey back left me uneasy. I was bombarded with my insecurities, thinking that since he hadn’t said a thing that he regretted taking me out.
    Dark with my own thoughts, I consoled myself, saying things in my head such as I probably wasn’t popular enough, not gorgeous enough to fit the bill of being welcomed in his circle, or maybe it wasn’t about me or my physical attributes, and he had taken me out because he’d simply felt sorry for me.
    Naturally, I was a feisty kind of woman. However, for the first time, I thought it better to keep my mouth shut and not question him about anything in case he wanted to leave immediately and didn’t want to waste another pathetic breath on me. I wasn’t angry, per se… maybe frustrated that I simply didn’t have the gall to ask him to date me. I was a woman of pride, and if he rejected me, my ego would forever be broken.
    Looking outside through the window, I knew my flat was going to come up soon and he’d leave. I told myself that I was going to be gracious when I sa id my goodbyes. So when he parked right outside the building, I was surprised that he came out of the car and strode over to my side to open the door for me.
    My heart felt like it was stuck in my throat. I was tense, nervous and sensitive to everything around me. My senses went erratic when our eyes connected for a mere second as I slid off the seat. Fumbling with my tote for my keys, I took hold of it and let my thumb chip on the hard , cold ridges as I contemplated what to do next.
    Since he wasn’t talking still, I thought it obvious that there was nothing to come out of this. It was naïve of me to think that he might look at me differently—see me as I saw him, stripped from any artifice right down to the real person within. Power, money and heart-stopping good looks were enticing to anyone with eyesight. What person wouldn’t want those? I saw past that, though. Past his disarming smiles was a man with a pure heart and good intentions, and as hard as I yearned for him, my willpower alone couldn’t get him to be attracted to me.
    So with my brave face on, I smiled even though his silent rejection was hurting me inside. “It was very kind of you to take me out tonight. I guess I’ll be seeing you in school.” I made another super-thrilled-even-though-it-hurts kind of smile. “Thank you, Toby.”
    He frowned for a second before I made a goodbye nod and spun around, slowly walking towards the building entrance with shaky legs. Again, much to my surprise, I felt him follow me.
    My dampened mood instantly took a different turn. My pathetic , internal wallowing vanished. They were instantly replaced with provoking thoughts of him and I having sex in a bed, and there was no stopping it. I didn’t want to come off as an easy lay, but I was going out of my mind for this guy.
    For a long time , I had secretly wanted him, and now that this might be the opportunity to further that need, I just might push my luck tonight. I mean, desperate