Free King 03 - Restless by Tawdra Kandle

his.
    “Don’t do anything you don’t really mean, Tas.” His voice was low and intense. 
    I bit my lip and lowered my hand. “Sorry,” I whispered.  Rafe blew out a long breath through his teeth. I felt his frustration and the naked longing even as he struggled to control it and block me. 
    I don’t know how to explain what happened next. Over the last few weeks I’d often had the sense that the real me—the very essence of who I am—wasn’t always fully in control. Instead that cool, impatient voice that sounded increasingly like Marica’s seemed to be running the show.  And suddenly, as though there had been an odd kind of blip, a shadow passed fleetingly over me and new Tasmyn took over.
    As though I were watching someone else, my hand went back up. My fingers skimmed along Rafe’s cheek again, and this time he didn’t stop me. Our eyes locked, and I rose to my knees next to him. My hand moved around to the back of his neck, and I felt his silky hair against my fingers. Rafe closed his eyes and drew a ragged breath. 
    I leaned closer to his face, until my lips were a hair’s breadth from his. It was not a moment of decision; it was impulse, and I didn’t heed at all the urgent warning of the part of me that still belonged solely to Michael. I touched my mouth to Rafe’s.
    In all of my eighteen years, I had only kissed one boy—Michael. I hadn’t even wondered what it was like to kiss someone else. But now I felt every difference. 
    As soon as my lips covered his, Rafe wrapped his arms around me, tightly. One hand reached behind my head to hold me closer. His mouth opened beneath mine, and he made a sound deep within his throat.
    I don’t know how long we stayed that way, with my heart pounding against Rafe’s solid chest. While one of his hands continued to tangle in my hair, the other moved up and down my back in a slow but steady path. I was holding onto him almost desperately.
    It was Rafe who finally pulled away, although he really didn’t move. He covered my face with light kisses, from my closed eyes down my cheeks and to my neck, and amongst the almost unintelligible thoughts I picked up, I thought I heard him murmur my name aloud. 
    He leaned back slightly, pulling me with him so that I fell from my knees against his chest. Then his fingers were beneath my chin, tipping my mouth back again and covering it with his own.
    This time he was more insistent, coaxing my lips open and running his hands along my sides. I was nearly insensible until I felt the warmth of his fingers slide against my cool skin just beneath the hem of my shirt. I pulled back abruptly, shaking my head.
    “No, Rafe!” I could hardly breathe, and my cheeks felt chafed from the slight bristle on his face. I closed my eyes and leaned back, trying to catch my breath.
    Rafe hadn’t moved, and when I opened my eyes, he was gazing at me, an inscrutable expression on his face. He looked deeply into my eyes as though he were trying to read something behind them.
    “Who are you?” he murmured softly. When I didn’t answer immediately, he shook his head. He reached around to smooth my hair away from my face, lightly rubbing my back in a slightly proprietary manner. He grinned at me.
    “Do I have to bend time again for you?” he inquired mischievously, and I knew at once he was referring to the first time he had kissed me, months ago. Although I didn’t remember it thanks to Rafe’s little mind-perception trick, it was something that had replayed in his mind with sufficient frequency that I almost thought I did recall it. 
    In answer, I shook my head. I still couldn’t speak. I wasn’t quite sure what to say. Not only had I allowed Rafe to kiss me—to hold me—I had initiated it. The part of me responsible for that felt pretty satisfied. The deep down hidden me was horrified and guilty. I wasn’t ready to let her out yet; I couldn’t do that until I was at home, alone.
    We sat for another little while listening