Free The Darkest of Shadows by Lisse Smith Page B

darkened and slightly frazzled Patrick standing on the sidewalk. I tripped over a few pieces of furniture on my way to the door and managed to get the right button to buzz him up the stairs. I remembered to flick the locks on the door and then headed straight back to bed.
    I’m not sure what Patrick expected to find when he came barreling into my house a few moments later, but it certainly wasn’t me lying peacefully back in bed. He stood at the end of my bed and watched me for a long silent moment before I heard the sound of clothing dropping to the ground; and then his hard body settled on the bed, curling up against my back. His arms reached around me to tug me back into his embrace. I grumbled something unintelligible and promptly fell asleep.
    “You are an infuriatingly independent and frustrating woman,” Patrick mumbled to me, when he woke later to find me leaning up on one elbow, watching him.
    “Is that a question?” I asked sweetly.
    He tackled me, wrestling me beneath him so that his body pressed naked and hot against my own. “No.” He kissed away any response I might have had. “Just tell me you’re OK.”
    “I’m fine,” I assured him, and then I set about showing him exactly how fine I was.
    “You’re acting like I’m about to break,” I told him later that day. He hadn’t seemed interested in leaving, and as it didn’t bother me to have him there, I wasn’t pushing for him to go just yet. What was starting to irritate me, however, was the hesitant way he was approaching everything. “I’m not going to run screaming just because we had sex, Patrick.”
    “Really?” he asked, with genuine surprise. “’Cause that’s kind of what I was expecting.” He sat down on the lounge beside me. “You are so far from normal that I have no idea how you will react to a situation, and I’m not about to push you to do anything you’re not ready for.”
    “If I wasn’t ready to sleep with you, I wouldn’t have done it,” I assured him. “I don’t do regrets; once I commit to something, I try to make it work in the best way I’m able.”
    “So, just for my own clarity, would it be asking too much to perhaps have you explain what this means?” He indicated us both sitting on the lounge.
    “It means we’re having sex.” I shrugged. “If you want more than that, you’re with the wrong person.”
    “Just sex, meaning?”
    “I’m not marriage material, Patrick. I don’t do devoted, and I don’t do clingy,” I told him softly. “I don’t love you, and I never will. I’m not your girlfriend; it’s not what I’m capable of.”
    “But you have sex.”
    I bristled at the implication of his words. “I have sex with you .” I clarified. “I live my life day to day, and today you make me happy, so I’ll go with that. But you need to understand that this isn’t real, none of it is practical, and it isn’t anything other than exactly what it looks like. Sex.”
    “You’re using me for my body?” He gave me a half smile.
    “It’s a very nice body,” I argued.
    “I reiterate—you are an infuriatingly independent and frustrating woman, Lilly.” He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “But I’ll take whatever you’re offering. You’ll hear no complaints from me.”
    I followed him into the kitchen, where he was busy making what I presumed was to be our lunch.
    “So I assume from that little speech,” he continued, “that this thing between us isn’t going to be something we’re advertising.”
    “Good God, no!” At least he seemed to be following my train of thought. “Could you imagine the shit we would get at work if anyone found out we were sleeping together?”
    “Oh, I could imagine all right,” he replied. “But unlike you, I’d be pretty happy with everyone knowing.” He shrugged. “But your call.”
    Exactly. “My call,” I agreed.
    I kicked him out of my apartment later that night. I wasn’t about to have him move in, and I wasn’t