Free by Reason of Sanity by Gene Grossman

of veggie imitation cheddar cheese and some garlic salt. I call this combination my chili-mac special. The dog smells the open can of chili, but because it’s up on the sink and he can’t see the label, he doesn’t know it’s the
vegetarian kind.
As I’m walking around the galley, I notice
that the door to the little princess’ stateroom is ajar.
She’s peeking out at me.
“I’m preparing one of my pasta dishes
tonight. Would you like a bowl of it?”
For the first time since I’ve met her, I see a
slight smile on her face as she nods ‘yes’ and then
immediately hides behind her door. I must have done
something right, because this is the first time she’s
agreed to voluntarily eat my cooking.
The phone rings. “Myra, my dear. Your
number is always a pleasant sight when it appears on
my caller ID display. What can I do for your
tonight?”
“You stood me up last time. I had to sit there
and eat lunch all alone.”
“I called.”
“Yeah, but I was already waiting in the
restaurant, so I stayed to eat.”
“I’m sorry, but you know how it is when
you’ve got a busy private practice.”
“Sure Pete. How many cases do you have
now, three?”
“It’s four, but who’s counting? To what do I
owe the pleasure of this call?”
“I thought I’d give you a heads-up on that
murderer you’re defending. We did a thorough search
of the hospital and found a discarded latex ‘missionimpossible’ type of facemask that looks exactly like
your client. That means someone else may have done
the crime and then looked up at the security camera
with the mask on, to make it look like your client was
the guilty one.
“It’s probably something the CIA is involved
in, so we’ll be dismissing the case and releasing your
client with a letter of apology signed by everyone in
the District Attorney’s office. I hope that helps you
out a little.”
She must really enjoy torturing me. “Oh gee,
Myra, thanks a lot. That’s exactly what I’ve been
hoping for to clear this innocent man. I’d better get
down to the county jail to pick him up… or will you
be sending your driver to take him home? There! You
feel better now? I know it doesn’t look too good for
us but there’s no need to rub it in. You’ll get your
conviction and you’ll get elected as District
Attorney.”
“Yeah, I know. But it’s still going to be fun
beating your pants off in court. In all the years I’ve
known you, I’ve never seen you at such a loss for
words or strategy. Your client is going down and
there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“The shrink’s report isn’t in yet, you know.
There’s always a possibility he can be found unfit to
stand trial.”
“No way Petey, and you know it. He’s just as
sane as you and me. I’m glad we’ve got him on tape
because the only weak link in our whole case was the motive. After this is all over, maybe you’ll tell me
why he did it.”
“Sorry beautiful. I’d like to assert the
Attorney-client privilege, but all I’ve gotten from his
so far is silence. And I do mean silence. The guy
hasn’t said one complete sentence to me since I was
appointed to defend him. Oh by the way, I’m
preparing one of my special pasta dishes tonight –
want some?”
“No thank you, I’m off of gruel this month.
But I’ll make it easy for you. If you win this case, I’ll
buy you dinner anywhere you want.”
“Anywhere?”
“You got it, pal.”
“Myra, if I win this case by proving that my
client didn’t do the crime, I’d like to have dinner at
the club.”
“What club would that be, Peter? Have you
joined the ‘Y’?”
“Not exactly, my dear. I mean our club – the
Lahaina Yacht Club. I’ll pay for the plane – you pay
for the food.”
There’s a brief lull while she’s thinks it over.
This will be the real test to see how much she
believes in her case. My macaroni timer is
approaching eight minutes, so I try to move the
conversation along. “Myra, I don’t want to sound
rude but my pasta is