his mom this house has been missing the sweet sound of a woman’s laughter, and hearing it tonight makes this place feel like it’s home to a real family again. I just want to say how lucky I am that my boys here found such perfect people to love and to spend the rest of their lives with.” He holds up his water glass to toast. “Here’s looking forward to many, many more years filled with moments like this.”
A heavy, sentimental silence fills the air as everyone nods and follows suit. I try to swallow past the lump that forms in my throat before raising my own glass. The conversation between everyone else picks up again but the room suddenly feels too stuffy for me, so I excuse myself, mumbling something about grabbing dessert.
Once I reach the kitchen I place my hands on the counter, palms down, trying to take deep breaths. Lucas and Eli are pretty much the only family I have—the ones that have always been there for me anyway—and hearing Eli talk about his wife and Kelley and love and the future does weird shit to my head. And my chest. Love? That shit is just a sign of weakness. A sign you’ve lost control to someone else. But there is also nobody I respect more than Eli, and I realize I’m fucked if I think I could ever be anywhere close to the kind of father he is.
I hear a throat clear behind me and it just about makes me jump out of my skin. “Need any help with that pie?”
I glance back and relax when I see it’s not Eli. Or Kelley. Neither of them need to know how fucked up I’m feeling about this right now. “Jesus, Kins. You scared the shit out of me.” I laugh, but it comes out hollow.
“Sorry. Just thought you could use some help.” She leans on the counter next to me. “And I’m not just talking about the pie.” I raise my eyebrow confused. “It’s weird to hear Eli talk about family, especially when you have such a messed up past like me.” She smiles gently, and I think I know where this is going. “I get the sense you know how that is, too, Ry, right?”
I scoff like I have no idea what she’s talking about. “I’m fine, Kinsley, really.” Shit. What is it with everyone today? Maybe I can sneak out the back to avoid dealing with any of them.
She shrugs, seeming to buy it. “Ok.” She reaches over and grabs the apple pie I’ve been staring blankly at. “But I used to think I could control everything, too, you know. It didn’t work out very well for me, and I’m guessing it won’t for you, either.” She chuckles playfully before waltzing back to the dining room as if she didn’t just try to call complete bullshit on me.
Kelley
Fourteen Weeks
F or the next few weeks Ryan and I live like hermits, working overtime to avoid everyone. It’s still too early to tell people I’m pregnant, and it’s too weird to pose as a couple in public. We agreed to wait until my next ultrasound, which is this morning, before saying anything about the baby. Part of me has been scared something might happen, and part of me just isn’t ready to deal with it. I’ve stalled as long as I can, as if my situation might magically make any kind of sense, but I’m starting to show and can’t keep it hidden much longer. The less my clothes fit, the more I feel suffocated.
It doesn’t help that Ryan and I have fallen into a comfortable, easy routine. One that lulls me into a false sense of security. Sure, we still argue like crazy, but that’s just us. As much as we disagree, we’re actually quite similar.
Sometimes, like when I’m pigging out on ice cream watching eighties movies late at night, and Ryan keeps stealing bites from my spoon (even though he claims he doesn’t want any) and I am overcome with a feeling of complete satisfaction and contentment, I have to remind myself that this isn’t real. It might be how I pictured my life on the surface, but deep down this situation is only temporary—and completely messed up. I knew going in this is what I signed up for, though, so