Free Jessica's Breakdown [Journey of a Thousand Miles 4] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) by Alicia White Page A

stretched out in the chair, trying to build up the courage to expose her secrets. “My first real relationship was with an older man. I was so blown away that he actually wanted me. He was so sophisticated, sexy, mature. Everything I wasn’t. He was also a very domineering man. At first, I thought it was just a part of our sexual relationship, but soon it became everyday life.”
    Nodding his head, she could see the compassion in Mark’s eyes, so she continued talking.
    “I wanted to please him. I wanted him to love me, so I did everything he said. After such a short period of time, I had completely changed. I was no longer myself. I was his version of me.” Shaking her head, she wondered if she was making any sense or if she was just babbling.
    “I worshipped the ground he walked on, would’ve done anything, but it never seemed to make him happy. I stopped spending time with my friends, my family. I only wanted to please him. He took me to a party one night at someone’s home. I didn’t feel comfortable, but I trusted him with my safety.”
    “Trust is an intricate part of this lifestyle.”
    “I was stripped, blindfolded, and tied to a suspended bar in the middle of the room. He flogged me, spanked me and played with me. Everything was fine. At least, that’s what I thought.” Swallowing hard, Jessica remembered the moment as if it had just happened. “It felt like a dream, like everything wasn’t real.”
    “Subspace.” He nodded, encouraging her to continue.
    “Yeah,” she whispered, clearing her throat so that she could continue. “I remember him fucking me and then the blindfold was pulled off. It took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust and then I realized that it wasn’t him. He was sitting across the room, watching his friends take turns fucking me. When I started to cry and struggle, I thought that he might come and rescue me. He didn’t.” Closing her eyes, Jessica prevented herself from crying. She had vowed long ago that she would never be weak again.
    “What happened?”
    Jessica felt surrounded by Mark. Opening her eyes, she watched as he kneeled down in front of her and held her hands.
    “When they finally untied me, I felt numb. I wondered if I had just dreamed it, you know?” She nodded and he mirrored her. “He drove me home and said that he was disappointed. He had trained me to be a good girl and it was obvious that I wasn’t. I just…I didn’t feel anything.”
    “He betrayed you and took advantage of an innocent girl. He’s the asshole. It was him that had the issues, not you.”
    “I know that now and I’m glad that he let me go. Since that moment, I knew that I could never be weak again. I will never let a man own me like I let him. I gave away all my power.”
    “I knew you were fighting something. I’m a people watcher, and I could tell that you weren’t really into being dominant. I saw you stare at some of the subs around here with such a yearning that it broke my heart. Trust is earned and you were taken advantage of. You were young and inexperienced. Now, you know all the rules and you’ve proven that you are a very strong, independent woman.” Jessica felt her eyes fill with tears. She really appreciated everything that Mark had to say. He was a good man and she felt a sense of relief that she had finally told someone what had happened.
    “Do you trust me?” he asked.
    “Of course. Why?” She stared at him, hoping that he knew how much his friendship really did mean to her.
    “Will you trust me to set up a scene?” He stared at her, never breaking eye contact, and she wondered what he saw.
    Shaking her head, Jessica wanted to say no. The word was on the tip of her tongue, but she stopped and thought about Beau and Chase. Being up on that stage again, she had felt like she’d been going through the steps but not really completely invested or excited. Her one night with both of them changed her, and she regretted not having the guts to talk to them