Free When I Find Her by Kate Bridges

so small.
    “Simon,” I say tenderly as I approach. How could I possibly apologize?
    My little brother sees me and squirms in the dirt, trying to get away from my reach and clutching his ribs.
    I gasp. He’s afraid of me. Terrified I’m going to hit him, too.
    I reach out but he pulls back. He wiggles his shoulders back and forth to gain momentum, but he’s still winded and unable to rise.
    In a burst of moonlight, I look down at him and fill with self-loathing. In his pain and fear, he closes his eyes and braces himself for my slug.
    “I’m not going to hit you,” I say awkwardly, but he turns his head and covers it protectively with his arm.
    “Here, let me help you up.” I go for his hand, he kicks me in the shin, jumps up and runs.
    I’m knocked over, my knee gives out and I fall.
    I’m only trying to say I’m sorry. I leap after him and run like a madman, two aching brothers in the darkness. We’re both out of breath as we race through familiar places. Past the lamppost, the curb, the corner house that has the huge willow tree.
    “Simon stop! Stop!” I reach out and yank his shirt. The shoulder rips. He swings forward due to my strong hold and nearly trips.
    “Leave me alone!”
    I’m still tugging his sleeve and force him to stop. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
    “I don’t believe anything you say.” He smacks my hand away. I’m speechless. He stomps off toward home.
    I lunge to catch up. “That was Gary back there and his brother Derek.”
    “So?”
    “Who else?”
    He doesn’t speak.
    “Who else?” I demand.
    He still doesn’t speak.
    “Who else!” I shout, how angry I am at myself and what I caused, and that Simon doesn’t want to talk to me.
    “I don’t know! He brings someone new every time!”
    Whoa.
    Someone new? I’m floored. Someone new every time? What is Simon going through? I’d like to punch the living daylights out of everyone who ever touched him. At the end of it, I would toss myself over a cliff.
    “Why are you following me?” he says. “What do you want?”
    “I don’t want anything.”
    “Then why are you here?”
    “Can’t I walk with you?”
    “What for?”
    “Because I want to.”
    “Why?”
    He looks so young. His cheeks are slightly chubby, freckles cover his nose, his big front teeth are new and shiny. The aroma of black licorice drifts from his pockets.
    “Because,” I say with exasperation. “You’re my brother. Can’t I spend some time with you?”
    “Yeah, right,” he scoffs.
    I swallow my anguish. “Let’s play some video games.”
    “Go away.”
    I wince. I yearn to be his friend. Instead, I watch his thin frame get smaller and smaller as he fades into blackness, and my hopes of making him feel better sink to the bottom of my world.

CHAPTER EIGHT
     
    My brother disappears. A feeling of helplessness overpowers me, like the time when he was a baby and I saw that monster dog chomping on his leg. This time I can’t get it off. This time the monster is me.
    There’s got to be a way for me to apologize.
    Sorry I used to beat the snot out of you.
    Sorry I embarrassed you in front of my friends.
    Sorry I started a trend with Gary.
    Sorry I’m a piss-poor brother .
    Staring at the black void in front of me, I swear that I’m going to turn this around for Simon.
    I slide my cell phone out of my pocket to check the hour but it’s dead. I try but can’t get it to boot up. However, my six hours here are far from over. I wonder what’ll happen when I pass the six-hour mark. I wonder what I should do about Simon.
    My guess is that it’s past ten already. The sidewalks are deserted, but cars come and go and people pile in and out of them on a Saturday night.
    I head toward Jennifer’s house. When I get there, the lights are on downstairs, and two bedrooms upstairs. Which one is hers? An oncoming car slows down. The driver, an old man, studies me. He turns into the driveway next to Jennifer’s and I realize I must look creepy staring