Free Aboard the Wishing Star by Debra Parmley

about? ... If I have to hear one more of Viv's little British expressions, I'll jump overboard. I really will.
    Kara wanted to scream in frustration.
    Viv burst out of the bathroom again. "You think I don't have feelings? You made Neil your whole life and shut me out. I know what Neil used to say about me. Poor Viv can't keep a man. Goes through a new one every month. You think that doesn't hurt? But let me tell you something. I'm living my life. Neil is dead. And you might as well be. You're wasting your life mooning over a man you think was perfect. He wasn't. He came on to me, Kara. You don't know how he really was."
    What? Tears stung Kara's eyes. How dare she talk about Neil that way? ... What if it was true?
    "Neil was a good man." Kara choked as tears overcame her. "He wouldn't have."
    Why didn't she tell me this before? Why now? He wouldn't have. Viv was my best friend. So how could she? What kind of friend is she? Why is she acting like this?
    All the frustration she'd held inside turned loose and she curled up, sobbing into the pillow.
    Viv rushed to her side and put her arm around Kara. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." She bowed her head to touch Kara's forehead. "It's okay. Don't cry. I know you still miss him. I'm sorry for what I said. I wasn't ever going to tell."
    Kara nodded and took a deep rattling breath to calm herself. "Viv, I never meant to shut you out."
    Viv reached for a tissue. "We both went off the deep end." She handed it to Kara. "It's been a long evening, it's late, and we're both tired. I won't bring it up again. But I'm glad you know. Glad it's out." She sat back and her eyes lit up. "Tell you what. Tomorrow you choose what you want to do. I'll follow along quiet as a mouse." She raised one hand. "I promise."
    Kara used the tissue to wipe her tears but the realization her best friend was not the friend she used to be still hurt. Just when she'd gotten over losing Neil, it was another blow.
    Viv waited for her to speak.
    "No, Viv. I need some time alone. Tomorrow I just want to do my own thing."
    "Oh. Well, if that's what you want."
    They prepared for bed, stepping around each other. Kara fell into bed as exhaustion claimed her When Viv turned out the light Kara exhaled a sigh of relief.
    She lay in bed thinking, unable to fall asleep. Is Viv right? Was Neil not the man she'd thought he was? Kara glanced over at Viv, who was now snoring. She can sleep now her conscience is clear. Great. But she's thrown this at me just before bedtime. And she knows I have trouble sleeping.
    Kara wasn't sure what shocked her more: the way her best friend was behaving or the accusation. Which might not even be true. Viv tended to exaggerate things when she wanted more attention.
    Finally Kara dozed off but then the dream came again.
    She was with Neil at the Washington Zoo. Animals moved about in the cool air of early fall and leaves fluttered down as Neil held her hand. They passed a panther pacing the worn path in his enclosure and found the Great Ape House. Neil mimicked the gorilla that watched him with black eyes as he scratched his stomach with human like fingers.
    "I wonder what he's thinking?" Kara said.
    "He's thinking me want food." Neil scratched his stomach. "Me want hot dog. Me want to kiss pretty lady."
    She laughed. He brought her near for a kiss. When a little boy behind them said, "Eeww," they broke apart laughing.
    They ate chilidogs on the way to see the pandas. The sun's rays warmed Kara. It was a perfect day.
    At the panda enclosure the pandas were eating. She'd thought giant pandas would be big, but these were cute little cubs with black ears and black ringed eyes. They rolled back as if in recliners, their paws and claws grasping pieces of bamboo twice the length of their bodies. It was a special moment for Kara. She always wanted to see the pandas.
    Neil's phone rang and he answered. "Can't talk. I'm at the zoo, remember? Call you later."
    The call brought on that hushed urgency