Free A Hot Mess (The Truth in Lies Saga #3) by Jeanne McDonald

Chapter 11.5
    McKenzie
     
    What am I doing?  I know better than this.
    Damn right I knew better.  That didn’t stop me though.
    I’m such an idiot.
    Boy howdy.  If I had a brain I’d be dangerous.  I proved that the instant I let Drew into my apartment.  I should’ve sent him away, but fuck he looked so good standing there.  Innocence wrapped in seduction.  His lips.  His eyes.  His jaw.  His nose.  His hands.  The way he touched me.  The way he felt.  The way he loved me.  Everything about him intoxicated me.  Who was I to deny him?  
    An idiot.  That’s who!  This man crushed me.  He left me.  He disappeared without a trace.  It took me telling him I was leaving for him to make contact with me.  And even when he showed up at my door begging me to stay, it really wasn’t him there.  It was a shadow of the man I knew.  
    God, I was a fucking moron to let him waltz back into my life like he never hurt me.
    It’s gotta be the pot.  Yeah.  That’s it.  I’m high.  
    If only that was the case, but I knew better.  My being high had nothing to do with my current predicament.  Nope, being high wasn’t my problem.  My problem was nothing more than denial.  No matter how much I wanted to lie to myself, it was impossible to believe that I was down on my knees, in front of the man who shattered my heart into a million pieces, simply because I was high.  There was only one explanation, and the thought both sickened and excited me.  
    Andrew Wise still owned me.  Heart.  Mind.  Soul.  Body.  
    I was his, even if I didn’t want to be.  Two months wasn’t enough to get him out of my bloodstream.  A lifetime wouldn’t be long enough.  
    His head fell back and his chest deflated as he exhaled.  A haze of smoke expelled from his lungs, diffusing into the atmosphere.  I licked my lips, enamored by the feel of his cock in my hand.  It’d only been months since I’d last touched him, but it felt like years.  
    Unable to withstand my own need to taste him, I gripped him tight at the base of his shaft and wrapped my lips around his length, drawing him deep into my mouth.  Slow and steady, just how I knew he liked it.  I rocked forward on the balls of my toes, taking in every inch I could, as deep as I could.  Oh, the way he tasted against my tongue.  I’d missed this.  I’d missed him.  I hated myself for missing him.  I hated him for my missing him.  
    “Fuck,” he hissed.  Drew placed the roach on the stove and tangled his fingers into my hair.
    Hearing him curse spurred me on.  More out of spite than need, because fuck was right.  I shouldn’t have been doing this.  We shouldn’t have been doing this.  He was supposed to be with Olivia.  They were having a baby together.  It didn’t matter if he knocked her up before we were together.  The fact was he called her first.  He reached out to her first.  That alone told me everything I needed to know.  There was no place for me in his life.  Sure, we could be friends, but my sucking his dick sorta proved that wasn’t an option.  I needed to stop this.  
    But I couldn’t stop.  
    To tell the truth, I didn’t want to stop.  
    It wasn’t as if he was trying to stop me.  I grazed my teeth against the pulsing vein in his shaft and smirked at his response.  The grit of his teeth, his gasp, the way he gripped my hair tighter.  Yeah, he wasn’t about to stop me, so fuck it.  I was going to take out every bit of my frustration, both sexual and emotional, on him.  
    Drew hurt me.  He told me loved me and then he left me.  He left me alone to care for Olivia after she gave us the news about the baby.  He forced me to watch her cry over his actions, and left me without any recourse to cry over my own.  He left me without a word of his whereabouts, or knowing if he was even all right.  I hated him for making me feel so insignificant.  I hated him for telling me he loved me.  I hated him for sending me