Free Level Five by Carla Cassidy Page A

Before she allowed her thoughts to get too maudlin, she pulled out a twenty from her wallet and laid it on the table.  She shouldn’t leave it, she knew what it would be used for and leaving it for him would only make her feel more guilty, if that were even possible. 
                  She left, careful to close and lock the door behind her. As she walked back to her car, she recognized that the guilt was part of her penance.  She just hadn’t quite figured out what her original sin had been.  
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
                           Chapter 9
     
                  “Another piece of chocolate cake?” Colette asked.
                  “I’d love it but my hips would complain,” Edie replied.  The two women sat at the table in Colette’s kitchen, a double layer fudge cake in place of the usual centerpiece in the center. 
                  Colette cut herself a second slice and pulled it before her.  “That’s one of the things I promised myself when I was being held captive, that if I ever escaped I’d eat two pieces of cake if I wanted them.  I’d indulge in a half a dozen donuts if I so desired. I vowed that if I ever got away I’d never deny myself anything that gave me pleasure and that was reasonable and hurt nobody.”
                  “What other kinds of promises did you make to yourself?” Edie asked.
                  “I promised myself that I would read Gone With The Wind.  I’d seen the movie but I’d never read the book.  Same thing with To Kill A Mockingbird.  I promised myself that I’d never buy a pair of cotton underpants again, that if I lived it would be silk and sexy all the way.”  She paused to take a bite of her cake and then continued. “I vowed that I wouldn’t be afraid of thunder anymore, that I’d laugh out loud whenever possible.  In some ways the experience freed me, although I wouldn’t recommend it as a form of therapy for anyone.”
                  “From what you’ve told me he only came into the room in the evenings a couple of times a week and the rest of the time you were left alone.  That kind of aloneness could make somebody insane.”  Edie glanced at her tape recorder to make sure it was still running.
                  “I tried to maintain a routine.  I got up in the mornings and did my affirmations of who I was and then spent about an hour exercising.”  She stuck the tines of her fork into a thick glob of icing and stared at it for a long moment. 
    “But more important than the physical exercise were the mental ones.”  She looked up at Edie.  “As badly as he beat me, as often as he raped me, the thing I was afraid of most of all was slowly losing my mind.”
    It was the first time Colette had said anything about the beatings or the rapes she’d endured and although Edie wanted to know more, she held her tongue. It all had to come from Colette when and how she was ready to tell.
    “I recited poetry that I remembered from my childhood.  I sang a different song every day. I tried to remember the words to all the old Beatle songs. I did math problems in my head, imagined puzzles and tried to solve them. I knew I had to stay mentally active in order to keep my sanity. I had to be ready to take advantage of any path of escape that might present itself.”
    Edie leaned back in her chair and gazed at Colette thoughtfully. “Why do you think he took you?  I mean, why you in particular?  Or do you think it was just a random thing?” 
    It was a question that had haunted Edie for years after Francine’s death…still haunted her in the darkness of the night.  Why Francine?  Why had Greg Bernard become obsessed with Francine? Why not one of the other little girls who walked home from school every day.  Why not me? A little voice whispered in the back of her brain.
    “It wasn’t random. He showed me a picture of