Free Tightening the Knot by Amanda Hamm

you’re feeling better.”
                Meredith continued to dab at her eyes.   Despite the complete lack of privacy, it was actually not a bad place for a private talk, what with the constant sounds of flushing, hand dryers and water running.   And Meredith suddenly felt the need to pour her heart out.   It seemed everything else was coming out anyway.
                “I can’t get pregnant.”
                “You… I don’t, I mean I… I’m sorry?”
                “Thanks.”
                “How long… I mean, do you want to talk about it?   Is it okay if I ask?”
                “Well, honestly, I don’t know for sure that I can’t.   Greg and I tried for almost two years.”
                “But you don’t… Is there like a test or something?   I’m sorry if I’m being an idiot about this.   I… Have you been to a doctor?”
                Meredith shook her head.   “I’ve been too scared.   I thought as long as I didn’t know for sure, there was still hope.   I wanted Greg to go to a doctor first, but he refused.”
                “He refused?”
                “Basically.   I started dropping hints and bugging him and after months of him ignoring me or changing the subject, I found a doctor and made an appointment for him.”   She paused to throw away some of the tissue.
                “But he didn’t go?”
                “When I gave him the information, he called right in front of me to cancel.   Then he threw the card away and said, ‘Don’t ask me again.’   That was almost three months ago and when things really went downhill between us.”
                “Wow.   I had no idea.   I thought you guys were fighting over whose turn it was to empty the dishwasher or something.”
                “Yeah, we fought about that.   We were fighting about everything for awhile, but it wasn’t until we just stopped talking that it really started to hurt.   I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you about it before.”
                “Oh, Meredith, don’t be sorry about that.   I’ve always known that you’re very private.   I really respect that about you.   But I’m glad that you can talk to me when you really need to.   Is it helping?”
                “A little.”
                “Good.   So… are you thinking you might be ready to see a doctor now?”
                “I don’t know.   It sort of feels like Greg and I have other problems to deal with now first.   I just wish he wasn’t so stubborn about it.”
                “Well, no offense, but aren’t you being just as stubborn?”
                Meredith gave a guilty nod.   “But he’s a guy.   Women are supposed to have babies.   We’re supposed to be made that way.”
                “I think, isn’t it supposed to be kind of manly to get your wife pregnant?   Maybe he could be afraid of finding a problem as much as you are.”
                “I really hadn’t… I guess I just thought there were more things that could be wrong with me so his part would be simple, but… This whole thing is just, it’s not something I ever expected.   I don’t know how to deal with it.”   She dabbed away the last bit of tears and took a deep, steadying breath.   “How did you get to have so much insight into men by the way?”
                “Well…”   Jenna winked at her friend.   “I do watch a lot of chick flicks.”
                Meredith smiled in spite of her swollen eyes.   It really did feel good to let go for a moment, though she still would have preferred a different venue.   Somehow, she felt more hopeful even though nothing had really changed.   At the very least though, she felt ready to get that last present crossed off her shopping list.