Free Stuff We All Get by K. L. Denman

Chapter One
    The office is a windowless gray cell. The vice-principal across the desk from me says, “A one-week suspension is automatic.” He jabs a skinny finger into the air. “And if this offense is ever repeated, you’ll be expelled from this school. Permanently.”
    He levels the finger at me, and his nostrils flare. “Do you understand, Zack?”
    I nod.
    â€œYou’d better. Your conduct has placed you in a terrible position.” He tells me to think about that. It doesn’t matter what provoked me, he says. I shouldn’t have acted as I did. Then he tells me to wait outside his office until he speaks to my mother.
    When Mom shows up, she’s still in uniform. The stink eye she gives me lets me know I’ll be hearing plenty from her too.
    As I sit on the hard chair outside the vice-principal’s door, I can’t help but think about my “terrible position.” It sucks.
    I’ve been in this town for less than a month. My cop Mom said we’d like it better than the last place.
    â€œIt’ll be different this time,” she said. I’ve heard that before. “I know you can make it work for you.”
    I’ve been trying to make it work. I wanted to play on the basketball team, but it was too late in the season for new players. I joined the lunch league instead. Yesterday I also joined them in wearing thong underwear. All the guys were wearing them, like NBA players, and when I tried them, I got it. They’re perfect for basketball.
    Play during yesterday’s game was intense. People were watching and yelling from the stands. We were in the final seconds and ahead by only one point. The other team was on the offensive, and I was playing D. When one of them went up for a shot, I blocked him. I stopped the shot all right. But when he came back down, he took my shorts down with him. I don’t know if it was on purpose or what, but my bare butt was out there.
    When I reached for my shorts to yank them back up, I stumbled. I ended up hopping around trying to regain my balance. Everyone laughed, and someone snapped a picture. And the other team scored, so we lost the game.
    The jerk who took the picture, Pete, probably had it online before we left the change room. By this morning, everyone at school had seen it. I didn’t think many people knew my name, but they do now. And they’ve had a lot to say about my anatomy.
    Even Charo, a girl who’s been friendly, was giggling about what great pictures I take. One of the girls in her group asked if I wanted the photo to be in the school yearbook. Someone else asked if I’d pose for the flip-side photo. I got comments about cracks and cheeks. More than a few times, people called out, “Hey, Buns!”
    It was all immature and annoying, and at first I tried to laugh along. I think the best I did was bare my teeth and go, “Heh, heh.”
    As the day wore on, it started to get old. I was gritting my teeth and grunting. It was around then that Pete found me in the hall. He was smirking as he walked up to me and said, “You owe me, Buns.”
    I looked at him and said, “Huh?”
    He curled his lip. “You’re a somebody now, aren’t you? Thanks to moi . You either owe me for the picture, or you can give me something to make it go away. Your choice.”
    I chose to give him something. Bare knuckles to the sneer.
    Punching him felt pretty good, but the teacher who was in the hall at the time wasn’t impressed.
    When we get home from our meeting with the vice-principal, I head into my room. Mom follows me, saying, “I can’t believe you lost control like that. You’re grounded for the next week. And I’ve got plenty of chores lined up to keep you busy.”
    Update on my position: the butt of butt jokes, friendless and now stuck at home too.

Chapter Two
    Painting the kitchen walls isn’t so bad, at first. I almost enjoy cutting in the