Free S.T.I.N.K.B.O.M.B. by Rob Stevens Page B

—’
    ‘This is all very . . . impressive,’ Highwater interrupted, holding up a hand, ‘but how does your slightly fanatical interest in spy fiction qualify you for a place on our team
of highly skilled agents?’
    Barney blew out his rosy cheeks and rolled his eyes, searching the ceiling pensively.
    ‘Well, Mr Jones,’ Highwater said, ‘I think your silence speaks volumes, don’t you?’
    ‘What about a profiler?’ Archie blurted out.
    Highwater and Barney turned to face him. ‘Profiler?’ they echoed.
    ‘Yeah,’ said Archie. ‘Barney must know all there is to know about evil masterminds. I bet he could give you a pretty accurate insight into this Doctor Doom’s methods and
motives.’
    ‘Well, OK,’ Highwater agreed. ‘This should at least be entertaining if nothing else.’
    ‘We’ve already worked up a pretty detailed profile,’ Agent X-ray volunteered, opening a beige folder. Highwater took the folder from the girl and turned to Barney.
    ‘OK, Mr Jones. If you can tell me five key points about Doctor Doom’s evil plan then you can join the team. If not I’ll have to show you the door. Do we have a deal?’
    Barney nodded earnestly and swallowed hard. ‘Let me see,’ he said, scratching his armpit nervously. ‘Well, you’re obviously dealing with a highly intelligent
person.’
    ‘I think the term mastermind sort of gives that away,’ Highwater sneered.
    ‘But he’s also arrogant because he’s taunting you by leaving clues on the Internet,’ Barney suggested falteringly. ‘He thinks he’s too clever to get caught
– like he’s playing cat and mouse with you. What he’s doing is showing the world that he can outsmart the entire Secret Service.’
    ‘Thank you, Mr Jones,’ Highwater barked then after a breath she added more calmly, ‘What was the point you were making?’
    Barney stuck out his bottom lip. ‘Just that he thinks he can’t be found out, as though he’s God or something.’
    ‘God complex,’ confirmed Highwater, marking a tick in her folder.
    Encouraged by his success, Barney allowed himself to theorise more freely. ‘Any self-respecting mad scientist lives in a secluded lair on a deserted island or inside a volcano or, I
don’t know, perched on the side of a cliff.’
    ‘Reclusive, check,’ Highwater remarked, ticking her folder again. ‘What about his motives?’
    ‘Revenge,’ Barney answered automatically. ‘These guys are always after revenge of some sort. He wants to punish the people, or the country, that he feels wronged him. Greed is
always a factor too. He’s probably plotting something that will destabilise the political balance and make him so rich that he will achieve world domination, a bit like that dude in Point
Blanc .’
    ‘World domination,’ announced Highwater. ‘That’s three. Two more and you’re in. Any thoughts about his method?’
    Barney scratched his head and exhaled pensively. ‘Well, he’s bound to have some evil creation brewing. He’s kidnapped a sporting champion and Archie’s dad, who was an
all-round high achiever, so it’s probably something involving cloning or gene selection . . . that’s it!’ Barney clicked his fingers in triumph. ‘He’s going to extract
genes from his captives and combine them somehow to make a genetically superior monster or creature that he’ll clone and take over the world with.’
    Archie shook his head and sighed, thinking Barney had just blown his chances. But to his amazement Highwater marked another tick on her folder. ‘Creating a super-being, check,’ she
said. Then, tapping her pen on her teeth, she said, ‘So far so good, Mr Jones. One more correct supposition and you’re in, although I have to warn you I can’t accept a wrong
answer at this stage.’
    Barney studied the ceiling again. Seconds ticked by.
    ‘OK, Mr Jones.’ Highwater closed her folder. ‘Time’s up. Close but no cigar. I trust you can show yourself out.’
    Barney took one last,