Free Life Before Damaged, Vol. 1 by H.M. Ward

don’t believe that, do you?” I’m curious now. How can anyone get through life with such a jaded perception of reality? “Love is real. It binds all things, holding us together and giving us life.”
    “No, a sperm and an egg gave you life. Love had nothing to do with it.” Pete works his jaw, like he’s trying to decide whether or not he should say something.  
    “Go on, then. Enlighten me.” I tip my head to the side, surprised by the sharp mind working in that pretty head.
    As he steps closer, those impossibly blue eyes bore into me. “What it all comes down to is primal, physical need. We are hot-blooded creatures meant to feel passion, hunger, pain, hate, euphoria, fear and lust. Right now, you are using love as a way to justify what your body craves, to ease your conscience, instead of seeing it for what it really is.”
    I smile a little, amused at myself for feeling torn between shock that he’s intelligent and shock at his view of things. “And what is it?”
    Pete is in my face, lips close enough to kiss. His breath washes over me when he speaks, and my silly smile falls from my face and shatters. “It’s plain, physical need. We all need to eat to survive, Gina. Do we settle on basic bread and water our whole lives, or do we indulge in other foods that taste more pleasant to the palate? Your views on sex and love are hypocritical and wasteful. In fact, your storybook notion of love is killing your passion until one day, all you’ll feel for each other is numbness and resentment. And where will that leave you? It leaves you with a husband who satisfies his hunger for lust outside of your sacred love.
    “Why would anyone want to put themselves through any of that? Case in point, what your friend said about your beloved boyfriend. I’m willing to bet you’ve never screamed his name out loud while he made you come over and over again. You probably feel like every moment has to be tender, and saying dirty things out loud, asking him to do unspeakable things to your body will sully your precious relationship.  
    “You are repressed. You’re holding yourself back. I can see it in your eyes. The passion is there, but you feel you can’t be that person with him. That is what love does to passion and lust. It obliterates everything.”
    I can’t answer and don’t want to give him the satisfaction of admitting that, to some extent, he’s right. Anthony and I have never had a very passionate love life, but it’s caring. The thought of asking him to do things to me is a bit daunting, but that doesn’t mean that it’ll never happen. I’m sure Anthony and I can get there, one day, if that’s what we both want.
    When I don’t answer, Pete says, “That’s what I thought.” He pauses and turns to face me, all intensity gone, and his grin back full wattage. He claps his hands together loudly once, and then rubs them together in anticipation. “So! Now that we have all that confusion sorted out, let me ask you again. Wanna fuck?”

FUCKAHOLICS ANONYMOUS

    3:45 am

    I choke on my spit, but my throat is too dry and still very sore, sending me into a fit of excruciatingly painful coughs.  
    Who asks that?  
    I bend over at the waist, wrapping one arm around myself, trying to keep my ribs from cracking, my other arm over my face.  
    Wordlessly, Pete steps around me and leaves the room. When he returns, I’m still coughing madly, trying desperately to catch my breath, but I can’t. If I don’t stop coughing soon, I’ll surely faint from lack of oxygen. Pete grabs me by the waist, lifting me up and sits me down on the top of the desk. After handing me a glass of water, he puts a comforting hand on my back and looks at me with a worried expression on his face, eyebrows pinched, lips pressed together into a thin line.
    He stays next to me like that, rubbing my back and saying soothing things, until the coughing finally dies down. I take a sip of water and thank him. I’m sitting on his desk, legs