Free The Amish Christmas Sleigh by Kelly Long

same,” she said, feeling curiously disembodied from the words.
    â€œWhat was the same?”
    She lifted her head, knowing that tears streamed down her face, but she didn’t care. “A car was going too fast and hit our buggy. I was all right, but my mamm and daed were . . . and Ben was hurt. It was the same as you. . . . It could have been you driving and destroying my family.” Her voice rose, becoming shrill.
    â€œKate, I . . .” He held out his empty hand in obvious supplication, but she shook her head.
    â€œYou tricked Ben and me, and I don’t know why,” she cried.
    â€œ Nee, ” he ground out, lowering his arm. “I did not.”
    â€œBen trusted you—he loves you like a father. And I . . . How could you?”
    â€œKate, I did wrong. I know I did. I can never forget it, but we could build a new life together and . . .”
    â€œ Nee, ” she sobbed, running forward to push past him blindly and get to the front door. “I quit this job, Sebastian, and you need never pick up Ben again!” She opened the door and ran out into the snow, leaving her cloak and bonnet behind.
    Â 
    Sebastian squeezed the papers in his hand, then slowly stumbled forward to stroke the warmth of her cloak. He swallowed hard as tears burned the backs of his eyes.
    â€œIt didn’t go well, boy?” Tim asked softly from somewhere behind him.
    â€œ Nee, ” he choked, bowing his head.
    â€œ ’Tis sorry I am, Seb. Truly.”
    He nodded and half-glanced at his friend. “It’s no more than I deserve.”
    Tim shuffled forward and tugged at his coat sleeve. “That ain’t the truth, boy. God wants you to forgive yerself, to have an abundant life.”
    Sebastian dragged in a harsh breath. “ Gott wants me to pay penance and I will. I’ll keep up with the toys, but after Christmas . . . after Christmas, I’ll move on to some other community—and try to forget her and the buwe .” He turned from the door and laid a weary hand on Tim’s shoulder, then dropped the papers on the neatened desk, walking away and not looking back.
    Â 
    Kate fell facedown in the wet snow halfway home from Sebastian’s cabin, but she didn’t bother to get up. Instead, she turned her cheek to the coldness and let the sobs shake her body. She cried with all of the grief that she had kept pent up for so long, realizing she’d never taken or even had the time to do it before. She’d gone from nurtured child to practically being Ben’s mother, and it was so hard to be a full-time caregiver sometimes.... Then as her tears slowed, she realized that she was crying for Sebastian and the pain he’d endured, as well as the pain she’d heaped upon him, denying him any grace, and only being consumed with herself. It was a striking enough thought that she got her hands and knees in the snow, and suddenly, with clarity and insight, she remembered the snow angels and Bishop Umble’s words about fighting Gott . She understood that she’d been fighting for a long time and it was Sebastian’s pain that had finally allowed her the release she needed. And she realized that she was not about to let him suffer any more. Getting to her feet, she hastily swiped her sleeve across her face and knew she had to go back and tell him she’d been wrong. She decided to race home and change first since she was soaking wet and freezing cold, and she slogged through the snow, praying all the while.

C HAPTER 10
    K ate hurriedly changed her dress and underclothing and bundled up in her Sunday cloak to head back to Sebastian’s. She had just tied her bonnet strings when a knock sounded at the door and her heart leapt. Maybe it’s Sebastian—though why he should come after the way I behaved is beyond me. . . . All of this went through her mind in a flash as she hastened to open the door. To her surprise, Fran stood there, looking