Ruddy. How are you feeling?â She came over and kissed me, a quick one that hit mostly cheek. I felt a rising anxiety, even as Alan was making happy noises inside me.
âI like her hair like that,â he remarked.
I patted the bed next to me, and Katie went over and sat in a chair under the wall-mounted television. âEveryone says youâre okay,â she advised.
âJust hit my head. Nothing vital.â
For her job, Katie wore what she called âgrown-up clothes.â She had come straight from work and was still dressed in a wool skirt and cashmere sweater that clung to her in a way I very much appreciated. She stuck a finger in her hair and started twirling it like a forkful of spaghetti.
âShe does that when sheâs upset about something,â Alan advised me. I gritted my teeth. I knew what it meant.
âYou look beautiful,â I said, meaning it. I smiled at her and she glanced away and it felt like rolling over in the repo truck, my insides churning. I took a breath to steady myself. âWhy donât you tell me what you came here to say,â I suggested.
âI signed the lease. On the rental house in East Jordan. Itâs really cute.â
Alan made a startled noise.
âCute,â I repeated, my voice tight.
Sadness crept into her eyes. âI told you we need time to think, Ruddy. Itâs not ⦠I feel like weâre not putting any thought into things.â
âWhat sort of things?â I meant my tone to be as soft as hers, but a harshness found its way into my voice, unasked and unwanted.
âWhen I get my real estate license and start selling properties, it will mean more money, probably, but it would be a lot less regular. I mean, you can go awhile without selling a house or anything. So Iâd need, you know.â
âA man with a better job,â Alan suggested.
My anger flared. âNeed what?â I nearly spat.
âTo reduce expenses. And especially spend less time commuting in the winter.â
âOh.â
âSee what I mean, though? Why are we so scratchy with each other? You were getting mad, I can tell.â
I didnât bother to deny it. âWhen are you moving?â I asked faintly.
She sighed unhappily. âWell ⦠please donât be angry. I already spent the night there.â
âWhat?â
âI was going to tell you. I left you a voice mail. I got trapped by the ice storm and decided it was safer just to stay there. I didnât know you were in an accident until I got Beckyâs message.â
I was fixated on the idea that she had gone from suggesting she get a place closer to work to actually sleeping there. âWait. You donât just move out without warning. Without talking about it. Thatâs not right.â
Her look turned forlorn. âOh, Ruddy. I have been talking about it. You just havenât been listening. I told you I needed more space, that it seemed like when I moved in with you, I adopted all of your life and you didnât adapt to any of mine. I told you I didnât like going to the Bear every single night of the week. I told you I needed time to think. That I donât know who I am as an independent person, but only as extensions of other people. What did you think that meant?â
I opened my mouth, but nothing good wanted to come out of it. Sure, weâd talked, but I felt she had never explained how significant those conversations were. âDonât you love me?â I hated how that one came out plaintive, even begging.
âYes, but I donât love my life, you know? I feel like weâre stuck in a rut.â She gazed at me, her blue eyes level because she was finally getting it out, what the real problem was. And I understood: Ruddy McCann, repo man, lived in a rut, and he had pulled her in with him.
âWhat about Jake?â I asked.
âDonât try to make her feel guilty about a dog,â Alan