Free Impossible Things by Alexandra McBrayer

been a strange anomaly. He was still her Sam.
    When she took him in her mouth he groaned and his hips came up off the bed. She pushed him back and took him deeper in her mouth, relaxing her throat muscles. His arms came down to push her away as he said, “Stop, I can’t take anymore babe.”
    He pulled her up and pushed her to her back, came up over her, and slammed in to her. She lost her breath for a second at his lack of finesse. She was damp, but not enough, and at first it was uncomfortable.
    She wanted to get into it, wanted to enjoy it but she had lost the thread of desire, and Sam didn’t seem to notice as he pumped away inside of her.
    She thought about reaching down to touch herself so that she could enjoy it too but she remembered his reaction that morning so she kept her hands by her side.
    She looked up at him as he strained above her. His blond hair was sweaty and plastered to his head and the veins in his neck stood out in sharp relief. His brown eyes were closed tightly and as she watched a trail of sweat worked its way down his face and landed on her chest.
    She felt as if she was having an out of body experience as she watched him.
    He never opened his eyes and she felt disconnected from her lower body as she assessed him. He was handsome, not as handsome as the stranger, but cute in that boy next door way.
    Because she was watching his face she knew when he was about to come. She thought about faking her own pleasure but didn’t bother as she felt him explode inside of her.
    He pulled away, moved to his back on the bed beside her without saying a word, and within seconds he was snoring. She knew that he was tired but for the first time she didn’t feel any sympathy for him and it wasn’t because she was frustrated.
    Lying there she felt completely void of desire.
    She waited a few minutes to make sure that he was deep asleep before she got up and went to the bathroom. She turned on the hot water and took off her clothes before getting in. For the first time ever she felt unclean after sex and she washed carefully with the washcloth trying to remove all traces of him.
    When she felt clean again she emptied the tub and filled it again with fresh, hot water.
    As she lay back she thought about the past few days and tried to come to terms with how she felt. She loved Sam, she had no doubt at all about that, but now she was able to admit, just to herself, that their love life had always left something to be desired.
    He was a good man with a warm heart but he wasn’t a good lover. They’d been having sex for a year before he’d wanted to try something different, and though he had gotten better over time there were still things that he didn’t like to do. Oral sex was a rarity in their relationship and she didn’t know why. Sam had never said anything but it was always the same when she did it to him; he pulled her away and told her it was enough. He had never once performed it, or even tried to, on her.
    She thought back to the car and the stranger, she still had a hard time thinking of him as Lucas, and how eagerly he had touched and kissed her in a place that Sam rarely touched. The thought of it caused a tingle deep inside and she shifted in the bathtub. Lucas hadn’t had a problem doing it; in fact he had seemed to enjoy it.
    Remembering the feel of his tongue and how good it felt she sent her fingers trailing down her body. She moved until her back was against the edge of the tub and she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Most of her black hair was in a messy top knot on her head but some of it had come down to lie on the top of the water. Her face was flushed and she looked like a different person, even to herself.
    Remembering how the stranger had made her watch in the mirror as he touched her she met her eyes in the mirror as she slowly touched herself.  
    She tried to shut off her mind, to stop worrying about Sam, to stop thinking about the stranger, to just enjoy the moment and the