was matching my every sound. How had this happened? We’d come within moments of each other, Patrick being self-aware enough to realize he was already there, then waiting for me until I joined him.
It was like the Twilight Zone, but only in the best, most erotic way possible. I’d had lovers before who didn’t care if I got off, too, but Patrick was already proving himself to be far and away from them.
We panted together in comfortable, exhausted silence until our breathing slowed, and we took notice of each other again, a light kiss, the glancing pass of a hand, the continuation of exploration.
“I did want to talk to you about one serious thing.” Patrick studied the ceiling, and I propped myself up on one elbow to study him better.
“Go ahead,” I said, unable to ignore the pinch of dread in my belly.
“I don’t think we should tell Shawn.”
I rubbed the bridge of my nose and sighed. “Why not?”
“Because I know him.” Patrick ran his hand through his hair. “He would be sensitive about this. He wouldn’t take it well.”
“I don’t want to lie about it. He’s my best friend.”
“And I’m his father. You think I want to lie about it?”
I shook my head. “Give Shawn some credit. He’s not a child. He could handle this. It’s better than sneaking around, than hiding it.”
“I’m not saying that we have to sneak around,” Patrick said. “I just don’t think he’s ready to hear about us being together.”
“I don’t see how we can avoid telling him about it,” I said, shaking my head. “I see you all the time when I come over to the house. And now, Shawn and I will be working on a collaborative senior project. If possible, we’ll see each other even more.”
“I know about the project,” Patrick said, sounding grim.
“We’re really excited about the project.”
“What if, when you’re at the house, we act like nothing’s happened?” He narrowed his eyes, staring off across the room, obviously thinking aloud. “If he’s not there, of course, everything will be normal. We could meet at hotels. We could meet here. If you want, I could get a suite somewhere and just keep it for us.”
“I am not going to be your dirty little secret.”
He looked at me.
“If you think that we should hide away our feelings for each other and carry on our lives in some sort of sad charade, then we should just stop right now,” I said, rolling off the bed and stalking away. I was halted in my tracks by Patrick snagging my wrist.
“I would never want to hide you. I just don’t know how to tell my son I’m in love with his best friend.”
In love? I reeled for a moment at the magnitude of that revelation. Patrick was in love with me, and I realized that my long attraction to him, the understanding that he reciprocated those feelings, the smile I couldn’t get rid of…was it too soon to be in love with each other? Was that bad?
“I think I’m in love with you, too, and I want nothing more than to tell everyone,” I said. “Even Shawn.”
“We’re not going to hide it,” Patrick said again. “I care for you too much. You’re not some mistress I’m going to seclude in a penthouse somewhere. I have genuine feelings for you. I just want to tell Shawn about it in the right way, at the right time. I don’t want him to get hurt. That’s all.”
“I don’t want to hurt him,” I said. “But I don’t want to lie to him. I can’t. If he asks me, I won’t lie.”
“You’re a good friend,” Patrick said finally, after a pause that stretched on and on. “Loyal. And I really do love you.”
There was that word again. Did I say it back? Would it be weird not to?
Patrick saved me from my dilemma by kissing me, and my body went aflame again, and I didn’t think about anything for a long time.
He slipped out of my apartment as the sky lightened, giggling like a boy being caught at something, and I knew I should get some sleep, but I couldn’t. Patrick made me feel