Free Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy by Barbara Park Page A

glum.
    Grandma Helen Miller was babysitting my baby brother named Ollie.
    “Uh-oh. It looks like someone had a bad day at school,” she said.
    I raised my hand very weakish.
    “Me, Grandma. It was me. I am the one who had the bad day.”
    After that, I gave her a paper from my teacher. It was the rules about Pet Day.
    Grandma Miller put Ollie in his swing.
    Then me and her sat on the couch. And I waited while she read the paper.
    “Oh dear,” she said. “You can’t take Tickle, can you?”
    I shook my head real gloomy.
    “Not even in a cage,” I said.
    I did a sad sigh. “Where’s the justice here, Helen?” I asked.
    Grandma smiled very understanding.
    Then she gave me a hug.
    And she said don’t call her Helen.
    “I don’t know what to tell you, sweetie,” she said. “Unless you get another pet before Pet Day, I guess you’re just going to have to accept this.”
    My eyes started to cry a teeny bit.
    “But Mother and Daddy won’t buy me another pet, Grandma. ’Cause I already asked for a bunny and a goat and a bat and a rat. But they keep on saying no, no, no, no.”
    Grandma read the rules again.
    “Wait a second here,” she said. “Why didn’t I see this before? It says you can bring a bird.”
    I shrugged my shoulders. “Yeah? So?”
    “So you can take my
canary
!” she said. “I’ll let you take Twitter!”
    I looked and looked at that woman.
    Then I patted her hand very nice.And I whispered a secret in her ear.
    “Yeah, only here’s the problem. I hate that dumb bird,” I said.
    Grandma Miller looked surprised.

    “You
hate
him? You hate Twitter?” she asked.
    I showed her my finger.
    “He pecked me, Grandma. He pecked my finger, remember that? And I didn’t even do anything to that guy.”
    Grandma Miller made squinty eyes at me.
    “You put a potato on his head,” she said. “I would have pecked you, too.”
    I smiled kind of nervous.
    “It was a hat,” I said real soft.
    After that, me and Grandma Miller sat there kind of stiffish. And we didn’t talk for lots of minutes.
    Finally, I tapped on her.
    “Do you have any other pets at your house?” I asked. “Any pets I’m not aware of?”
    Grandma Miller laughed a little bit.
    “Not unless we catch that crazy old raccoon that keeps breaking into our garbage can every night,” she said.
    Then she laughed some more.
    And guess what?
    I laughed, too!
    ’Cause that woman is a genius, I tell you!

3 / The Boss
    On Saturday, I got out of bed very thrilled.
    Then I runned to the garage.
    And I grabbed my daddy’s fishing net.
    And I zoomed right into the kitchen.
    Mother was eating cereal.
    “Mother! Mother! Guess why I have this fishing net! Guess, Mother! Guess! Guess!”
    I couldn’t wait for her to guess.
    “’CAUSE TODAY’S THE DAY I’M CATCHING THAT CRAZY OLD RACCOON!” I shouted.
    Mother closed her eyes.
    “No, Junie B. No. We already talked about this, remember? We discussed the raccoon at dinner last night.”
    I smiled very happy.
    “I already know that! I already know we discussed the raccoon!”
    Mother looked confused.
    “But Daddy and I said
no
, Junie B.,” she said. “We said you could
not
catch a raccoon. Raccoons have sharp claws and teeth, remember?”
    “Yes! Of course I remember! That’s how come I got this net, Mother! See how long the handle is? Now I will be safe from him!”
    Mother spelled the word no.
    “N-o…no,” she said.
    I stamped my foot.
    “Y-e-s…yes,” I said back. “I
have
to,Mother. I have to catch a raccoon for Pet Day. Grandma Miller even
said
I could. And she is the boss of you.”
    Just then, a miracle happened.
    And it is called
my Grandma Helen Miller walked right in my back door!
    Mother looked up.
    “Oh look. It’s the boss of me,” she said kind of grouchy.
    I runned at my grandma very happy.
    “Grandma Miller! Grandma Miller! I am so glad to see you! ’Cause Mother said I can’t catch a raccoon! And so now you have to make her!”
    I stood back to give