Free Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy by Barbara Park

1 / Pet Day
    My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don’t like Beatrice. I just like B and that’s all.
    And guess what else?
    B rhymes with P. And P stands for pet. And pet reminds me of what happened at my school today.
    First, I was sitting at my table doing my work.
    Then all of a sudden, my teacher stood up. And she clapped her loud hands together.
    Her name is Mrs. She has another name, too. But I just like Mrs. and that’s all.
    “Boys and girls! May I have your attention, please?” she said. “I’ve got some very exciting news. Next week is National Pet Week. And to help celebrate our wonderful pets, Room Nine is going to have Pet Day!”
    I springed up from my chair real thrilled.
    “HURRAY, PEOPLE! HURRAY! HURRAY! WE’RE GOING TO HAVE PET DAY!” I shouted.
    My feet skipped all around the room. ’Cause they wanted to spread the news, that’s why!
    “PET DAY! WE’RE GOING TO HAVE PET DAY, CHARLOTTE!” I hollered.
    “PET DAY! WE’RE GOING TO HAVE PET DAY, JAMAL!”
    “PET DAY! WE’RE GOING TO HAVEPET DAY, YOU MEANIE JIM I HATE!”
    Just then, Mrs. grabbed me by my s’penders.
    S’penders is the grownup word for the
straps that hold your pants up.
    I looked around very worried.
    “Yeah, only here’s the problem,” I said. “If you pull off the s’penders—boom—the pants fall down.”
    Mrs. did a frown at me.
    “Sit…down…right…
now
,” she said real scary.
    I did a gulp.
    “Will do,” I said.
    Then I hurried up back to my seat. And Mrs. went to the front of the room again.
    She told us all the rules about Pet Day.
    She said that Pet Day will be next Monday. And if you have a cat or a dog, you canbring in his picture. And Mrs. will hang it on the bulletin board.
    “But please, boys and girls…no cats or dogs at school, okay?” she said. “The only animals you can bring to school are pets in cages.”
    I springed up again.
    “Whew! That was a close one!” I said. “’Cause I have a dog named Tickle! And at first, I thought I could only bring in his picture. But now I will bring him in a dog cage!”
    Mrs. shook her head.
    “No, Junie B. I’m afraid you didn’t understand. No dogs or cats will be allowed at school at
all.
Not even if you bring them in cages. I’m going to decorate a special bulletin board for all the dog and cat pictures.”
    I hanged my head real disappointed.
    “Shoot,” I said.
    ’Cause a dog picture isn’t even fun, that’s why.
    Just then, my bestest friend named Grace waved her hand in the air.
    “Can I bring my goldfish, Slicky?” she asked. “Is a fishbowl the same thing as a cage?”
    Mrs. smiled.
    “Yes, Grace. A goldfish will be just fine.”
    After that, my other bestest friend named Lucille raised her hand, too.
    “Teacher! Guess what I’m going to bring? I’m going to bring a picture of my new pony! And also I am going to wear my expensive new riding outfit! That way, everyone will see how cute I look when I ride!”
    Mrs. stared at Lucille a real long time.
    “What a treat that will be,” she said finally.
    Lucille poked me with her finger.
    “I can’t wait for Pet Day! Can you, Junie B.? Just wait till you see how cute I look in my riding boots!” she said.
    I didn’t say anything back.
    She poked me again.
    “Pet Day is going to be fun! Don’t you think? Huh, Junie B.? Don’t you think Pet Day will be fun? Don’t you? Don’t you?”

    Just then, I leaned real close to her face.
    “Do not poke me one more time, and I
mean
it,” I grouched. “What is so fun about bringing a dog picture? Huh, Lucille? What is so fun about that? Huh? Huh? Huh?”
    After that, I put my head on the table.
    And I covered up with my arms.
    And I didn’t come out till the end of school.

2 / The Secret About Twitter
    Me and that Grace rode the bus home together.
    I did not speak to that girl.
    ’Cause she kept on being happy about Slicky. And so what kind of crummy attitude is that?
    I walked in my house real