Free Thorn Boy and Other Dreams of Dark Desire by Storm Constantine Page A

inscrutable. I hated myself for what I was saying, but misery
and jealousy pushed aside all considerations of sense and
propriety.
    ‘ I will
always love him,’ Akaten said in an even voice. ‘I thought you knew
this.’ He stalked with dignity into his chambers.
    I lay back on
the cold tiles and cursed myself. What was I doing? In my
stupidity, I had revealed that Akaten had a means to return to his
country. What I had not revealed was that Alofel would never allow
it to happen.
    Presently, I
collected myself enough to dress and follow Akaten into the palace.
I found him in his dining room, seated on the floor by a low table,
his attendants arranging dishes of food before him. Tears ran
uncontrollably down his face, which his staff studiously ignored. I
ordered the servants out, and sat down beside him.
    ‘ I’m
sorry.’
    He shook his
head. ‘There is no need. You’re probably right.’
    That was not
what I wanted to hear. I took his hands in my own. ‘Akaten, don’t
say that. We’ve had a delirious summer together. I know you’ve been
happy.’
    He tore his
hands from my grip. ‘No! I’ve been a shallow, selfish fool! Darien,
I know you care very deeply for me, and I’ve enjoyed basking in
that, but part of me is still on that battlefield, senseless with
grief and wandering blindly like a ghost. I dream of him! I see his
face among the crowds at court. At night, his voice speaks to me
sadly from the shadows while you sleep! You have been my solace, my
exorcism, but perhaps my place is beside his tomb, celibate and
faithful. I must speak to Alofel.’ He shook his head in confusion.
‘I must go home.’
    ‘ No!’ I
leapt to my feet. ‘You’re talking nonsense! Emotional rubbish! I
won’t let you do it!’
    ‘ Why?’
He looked up at me with anguished eyes. ‘Do you really want me,
Darien? I can never give you what you want. I’m only here because
Alofel thinks that, one day, I shall give myself to him. It won’t
happen! If Menefer wants me, and is persistent, eventually Alofel
will tire of his useless wooing and cast me aside. Neither you or I
will have any say in that.’
    My heart was
beating so fast I could barely think. Its thunder deadened my
thoughts. ‘Akaten, you have a life. Live it. Returning to Mewt is a
ridiculous thing to do. You’ll hate yourself for it eventually. I
can heal you, but Menefer will only open your wounds - for ever.
Will he respect your wishes to be celibate? I think not. Each time
he takes you to his bed, you’ll think of Harakhte, and while
fantasy might soothe you for a while, each morning will bring
guilt. One stage of your life, though sweet, is over. You’ve been
given another chance. Don’t be a fool. Take it!’
    Akaten put his
hands over his face and bowed his head. I heard him murmur, ‘Help
me, Darien.’
    I put my arms
around him, kissed his hair. ‘My love, I am here for you. Always.
Yes, I am jealous of Harakhte, and always will be, but content with
whatever you can give me. I could not live without you now.’
    ‘ I’m not
worth this!’ he said, but relaxed against me.
    ‘ Oh, you
are!’ I told him hotly. ‘In the temple of Challis Hespereth, you
came to me, whether in body or spirit. You called to me, and I
answered.’
    He looked at
me. ‘I don’t understand... Tell me.’
    At last, I
told him everything.
    He listened,
wide-eyed, and when I had finished speaking, shook his head. ‘That
could not have been me,’ but his expression was furtive.
    ‘ It
was!’ I insisted.
    He took my
face in his hands. ‘I know how much you want to believe that,
Darien, but it would be unfair of me to say that I was that person
in the shrine.’
    ‘ But you
said yourself you can’t remember what happened in
Phasmagore.’
    ‘ I’d
remember that!’ he said. ‘No, we must be realistic. Our
relationship is based on earthly things, but even so it is precious
to me. This summer, you have saved my sanity a hundred times.’ He
leaned forward and kissed