Free Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer

the Ukrainian or the Polish gentry, or be too hard to pronounce, and that it must be decided upon by week's end.
    A VOTE!
the Well-Regarded Rabbi proclaimed.
WE SHALL TAKE IT TO A VOTE.
For as the Venerable Rabbi once enlightened,
AND IF WE BELIEVE THAT EVERY SANE, STRICTLY MORAL, ABOVE-AVERAGE, PROPERTY-HOLDING, OBSERVANT ADULT JEWISH MALE IS BORN WITH A VOICE THAT MUST BE HEARD, SHALL WE NOT HEAR THEM ALL?
    The next morning a polling box was placed outside the Upright Synagogue, and the qualifying citizens queued up along the Jewish/Human fault line. Bitzl Bitzl R voted for "Gefilteville"; the deceased philosopher Pinchas T for "Time Capsule of Dust and String." The Well-Regarded Rabbi cast his ballot for "
SHTETL OF THE PIOUS UPRIGHTERS AND THE UNMENTIONABLE SLOUCHERS WITH WHOM NO RESPECTABLE JEW SHOULD HAVE ANYTHING TO DO UNLESS THE HOT SPOT IS HIS IDEA OF A VACATION.
"
    The mad squire Sofiowka N, having so much time and so little to do, took it upon himself to guard the box all afternoon and then deliver it to the magistrate's office in Lvov that evening. By morning it was official: resting twenty-three kilometers southeast of Lvov, four north of Kolki, and straddling the Polish-Ukrainian border like a twig alighted on a fence was the shtetl of Sofiowka. The new name was, much to the dismay of those who had to bear it, official and irrevocable. It would be with the shtetl until its death.
    Of course, no one in Sofiowka called it Sofiowka. Until it had such a disagreeable official name, no one felt the need to call it anything. But now that there was an offense—that the shtetl should be that shithead's namesake—the citizens had a name
not
to go by. Some even called the shtetl Not-Sofiowka, and would continue to even after a new name was chosen.
    The Well-Regarded Rabbi called for another vote.
THE OFFICIAL NAME CANNOT BE CHANGED,
he said,
BUT WE MUST HAVE A REASONABLE NAME FOR OUR OWN PURPOSES.
While no one was quite sure what was meant by purposes—
Did we have purposes before? What, exactly, is my purpose among our purposes?
—the second vote seemed unquestionably necessary. The polling box was placed outside the Upright Synagogue, and it was the Well-Regarded Rabbi's twins, this time, who guarded it.
    The arthritic locksmith Yitzhak W voted for "Borderland." The man of law Isaac M for "Shtetlprudence." Lilla F, descendant of the first Sloucher to drop the book, persuaded the twins to let her sneak in a ballot, on which was written "Pinchas." (The twins also voted: Hannah for "Chana," and Chana for "Hannah.")
    The Well-Regarded Rabbi counted the ballots that evening. It was a tie; every name got one vote: Lutsk Minor,
UPRIGHTLAND,
New Promise, Fault Line, Joshua, Lock-and-Key ... Figuring that the fiasco had gone on long enough, he decided, reasoning that this is what God would do in such a situation, to pick a slip of paper randomly from the box and name the shtetl whatever it should say.
    He nodded as he read what had become familiar script.
YANKEL HAS WON AGAIN,
he said.
YANKEL HAS NAMED US TRACHIMBROD.
23 September 1997
    Dear Jonathan,
    It made me a tickled-pink person to receive your letter, and to know that you are reinstated at university for your conclusive year. As for me, I still have two years of studies among the remnants. I do not know what I will perform after that. Many of the things you informed me in July are still momentous to me, like what you uttered about searching for dreams, and how if you have a good and meaningful dream you are oblongated to search for it. This may be cinchier for you, I must say.
    I did not yearn to mention this, but I will. Soon I will possess enough currency to purchase a plane voucher to America. Father does not know this. He thinks I disseminate everything I possess at famous discotheques, but as proxy for I often go to the beach and roost for many hours, so I do not have to disseminate currency. When I roost at the beach I think about how lucky you