Free Does This Mean You'll See Me Naked? by Robert D. Webster Page A

and save them from having to endure more questions later at the funeral arrangement conference.
    When it comes time to leave the family’s residence with their deceased loved one in tow, it can be emotionally wrenching. I have received numerous requests not to cover the deceased’s face. Grown sons have assisted us in carrying the cot. Family members have run down the street after the hearse as we slowly pull away.
    After the body has been removed from the place of death, we set up a time for the bereaved family to come in for the arrangement conference. The funeral arrangement conference is when the funeral director sits down with the member or members of the deceased’s family to acquire the necessary information to complete the death certificate, compile information for the obituary, arrange for the service selections, be it ground burial or cremation, and allow the family to select any merchandise they desire, whether it is a casket and burial vault or a cremation urn.
    Even as a funeral director of many years, I still, on occasion, get that feeling of butterflies in my stomach or a slight feeling of trepidation when the bereaved family approaches the front door of the funeral home for the first time.
    We look for all kinds of signs as to what might happen. A bereaved family who has been asked to arrive at ten o’clock in the morning and happens to be late is sometimes thought of as a bad omen. A former employer of mine used to swear that when a family is late for their appointment to make arrangements, then it is more likely that the family will not pay the bill or that there will be trouble in collecting the bill. His thought was that if a family is late showing up then they must be irresponsible.
    The initial viewing of a deceased loved one is another time of potential butterflies for the funeral director. Even if you are extremely confident that the deceased looks very natural, there is still a small degree of doubt that speaks to you: “I hope the family is pleased; what if they are not?” We all want that gushing exclamation by the assembled family—“He looks great” or “Mom looks absolutely beautiful; you have done a wonderful job”—as a resounding seal of approval.
    I sometimes feel a wee bit slighted if a family does not immediately express sheer delight at their loved one’s appearance. Some situations reveal a delayed seal of approval. I give the family several minutes alone for their initial viewing before I go to them at the casket to make sure they are satisfied. On that walk up to the casket, as brief as it is, there are many thoughts running through my head: Are the lips too pink or not pink enough? Is the hair styled properly? Is the necktie straight? Is her dress smoothed out just right? My wife checks the work of my sons and I with a fine-toothed comb once the deceased is placed into the casket, and again when the casket is placed into the chapel, and again just before the family arrives. Yet even with all that redundancy there is still the worry that something might need to be addressed—after all, someone’s loved one is lying in repose, so everything must be right.
    The desired seal-of-approval moment sometimes comes when the family is departing the funeral home at the conclusion of the visitation period. Parting compliments include “Mom looked beautiful, and we can’t thank you enough,” or the tearful proclamation, “Everything was perfect.” Such positive feedback is the hope and expectation of every funeral director worth his salt.
    Who’s Really the Next of Kin?
    Sometimes there are family problems, however, that exist in the family itself. My son and I once pulled the hearse into the driveway of a mansion, exited the vehicle, and made our way to the front porch. The elderly gentleman, whom I recalled as a recent pre-need customer, had passed and was found in his bedroom suite on the second floor, surrounded