Free Does This Mean You'll See Me Naked? by Robert D. Webster

service takes place the following day. It’s noted in an obituary as follows: “Visitation after five o’clock Tuesday at the Church of Holy Grace until the time of the funeral service on Wednesday at eleven o’clock.”
    Different religions have different rites. Sometimes referred to as “sitting shiva,” shiva is a Jewish burial rite consisting of friends visiting the home of a grieving family to offer condolences.
    A funeral service or funeral ceremony is just what it says—a period of ritualistic actions, usually coordinated by a leader, to pay homage to one who has died, with his or her body present. A memorial service, or simply memorial, is much the same as a funeral service, only the body is not on-site. A memorial service is commonly conducted after someone has been cremated, as there is obviously no body to view.
    Perhaps my thoughts on this subject are much ado about nothing, but I think that I should describe the services I perform daily with the utmost correctness, if for no other reason than respect. Funeral and burial rites can be conducted only one time for each person. If I attend to something improperly, I can’t exactly ask for a do-over.
    THE OBIT
    I have noticed that newspaper writers enjoy taking poetic license by referring to a casket in one paragraph and then a coffin in the next (see chapter 10 to find out which one is correct). Also, obituary writers in many newspapers merely enter detailed information that the funeral homes dictate to them. Since there is a per-line charge, the family can submit whatever information they want.
    But it’s when a feature writer writes an obituary for a celebrity or high-profile death that problems begin. Rarely do those obituaries end properly. They include such technical errors as saying that “funeral services ” will be held or “memorial services ” will take place at such-and-such a day and time. Well, there is only one funeral or memorial service. In a Catholic obituary, we would never say, “Masses of Christian Burial will be held…” In a Jewish obituary, we would never say, “Shivas to be observed at…”
    My personal pet peeve, however, is when obits list the order of events in reverse, with the funeral service mentioned first and only then the visitation hours. Chronological order is far easier for readers to follow. Newspaper writers also commit errors that to me are unforgivable, such as misspelling cemetery as cemetary or using internment instead of interment , which have very different meanings!
    Funeral directors can sometimes be blamed for poor obituary writing; the director making the arrangements compiles and writes most of them. One common grammatical blunder is referring to certain relatives as brother-in-laws as opposed to brothers-in-law. But even well-meaning family members who try to assist in the compilation of obituary information are guilty of embarrassing snafus. A few people intentionally omit certain irritant brothers, sisters, or cousins. But others unwittingly hurt the feelings of grandchildren or siblings by referring to only one of them as “Mom’s favorite grandchild, Freddy,” or by saying, “survived by three sons, especially her special caregiver, Tom.”
    Family members can cause all sorts of divisive issues.
    ALL IN THE FAMILY
    When an individual dies at home, generally there is a houseful of people gathered at the bedside. This is a scene that a funeral director has to carefully observe and take in, because important conclusions can be drawn from it. Those present usually exhibit genuine sorrow. However, it is sometimes possible to detect that those sobbing at Grandma’s bedside are only upset that their gravy train has been derailed and they can’t borrow any more money from her.
    When the family is assembled, they often tell me which day and time they want the visitation and funeral to take place. We note such information