Free Jacob Two-Two Meets the Hooded Fang by Mordecai Richler Page B

called after him, “come back here. We were only teasing you.”
    Jacob Two-Two had already cleared the corner and was racing down the hill and into Richmond Park,flying past the high iron gates that were shut after dark, like prison bars. He ran and ran, avoiding the pond, which Marfa had warned him was full of crocodiles and snakes. He ran with his head down, keeping a sharp eye out for poisonous snakes, a threat which Noah protected him against for only a penny a week.

    Finally, he sank to the grass, out of breath.
    Only then did he notice the fog beginning to settle, closing in on him. Shivering just a little, Jacob Two-Two rubbed his eyes.

CHAPTER 3
    he very next thing he knew, Jacob Two-Two was double-locked into a gloomy dark cell beneath the towering court house. Suddenly, the cell door clanged open and a fat policeman thrust somebody toward him, saying, “Jacob Two-Two, it is my duty to inform you that you and your visitor are, according to the strict letter of the law, allowed one hour together …
before facing the judge
.”
    The visitor who had come tumbling into the cell was quite the scruffiest, skinniest, and most untidy man Jacob Two-Two had ever seen. With tangled gray hair and weepy blue eyes. His shirt collar was frayed, and histie soup-stained. His suit was rumpled. His shoes were scuffed, the laces broken. Beaming at Jacob Two-Two, he declared: “Meet your barrister, Louis Loser.”
    “Oh, I’m very pleased to meet you, Mr. Loser,” said Jacob Two-Two two times.
    “Are you,
really?
” replied Louis Loser, astonished.
    “Yes. But what’s a barrister? What’s a barrister?”
    “Your protector in court.”
    “Oh, but I haven’t got any money, Mr. Loser. I couldn’t afford to pay you.”
    “Of course not,” said Louis Loser impatiently. “If you could afford it, you’d pay me to stay home in bed.”
    “Do people pay you
not
to protect them in court?” asked Jacob Two-Two twice.
    “Only if they can afford it.”
    “Oooo,” groaned Jacob Two-Two. “Oooo.”
    “You mustn’t worry, my boy. The truth is, I’ve never won a case in my life, and that can’t go on forever,” pleaded Louis Loser, tears rolling down his cheeks, “can it?”
    “No,” said Jacob Two-Two, “no.” Adding hopefully, “Maybe this could be your lucky day at last.”
    “
Lucky day?
” Louis Loser thrust out his puny chest. “My dear boy,” he said, obviously insulted,“don’t you realize that you are looking at
the
Louis Loser? When I set out on a picnic, it rains. If I’m invited to a party, I turn up on the wrong night. I can’t sharpen a pencil without breaking it or slice bread evenly.”
    “Oh,” said Jacob Two-Two, enormously pleased to discover that he wasn’t the only one. “And what happens when you turn on the television?”
    “The picture’s fuzzy. It flips, it flops. Or the screen is buried in snow.”
    “Me, too,” said Jacob Two-Two, enthralled, “me, too. I’m so pleased that you are going to protect me in court.”
    “Well, thank you!” said Louis Loser, and then he told Jacob Two-Two a story. “Once,” he began, “I very nearly had a lucky day. I went into court with what seemed like an air-tight case. Impossible to lose, even for Louis Loser. My client was out taking the air one evening when three ruffians attacked him. They took his wallet, they stole his watch, and beat him up very badly. Fortunately, a police car just happened to come along, and the ruffians were caught red-handed. In court, they confessed to everything. And my client, I must say, was a most touching sight, bandaged fromhead to toe and standing on crutches. All we claimed were damages.”
    “Did you win? Did you win?”
    “Certainly not.”
    “What happened?” asked Jacob Two-Two. “What happened?”
    “How was I to know,” said Louis Loser, sniffling, “that my client would turn out to be an internationally famous bank robber, Public Enemy Number One in ten countries. The ruffians who