Free Black (Clashing Colors Book 1) by Elin Peer

body and his big calloused hands that clumsily caressed my hair. And all the while, I kept my eyes firmly shut and close to the pillow. If I hadn’t, he might have seen my tears.

CHAPTER 7
    Toddler
     
    Gabriel
    That night I woke up several times because of sounds coming from Cia. Her nightmares made her whine, and I wasn’t sure whether to wake her up or let her dream through it.
    I blame her nightmares for the fact that we woke up completely entangled with my body enclosing hers. I must have been trying to calm her in my sleep, and I explained that to her when she shoved me off her.
    Breakfast was much like dinner. I had to feed her some oatmeal, and I almost considered smuggling out one of the large muffins she sent long glances after.
    Bruce wanted a session with us at ten and I carried her into his office. To my delight, she was no longer fighting me but actively helping when I picked her up, by holding on to me.
    “How did it feel to be in your father’s care yesterday?” Bruce asked.
    Cia gave me a quick glance. “It felt strange,”
    “Did something pop up that you would like to discuss… maybe memories from your childhood?”
    “Not really… I was just aware of how naked I was.”
    “And you didn’t like that?”
    “No, I didn’t like that.”
    “Why is that? Were you afraid your daddy would touch you inappropriately?”
    Cia moved annoyed in her chair. “No, it’s just hard to take seriously and I don’t think of G as my father.” She gave me a side glance. “No offense.”
    I was going to tell her that I didn’t see her as my daughter either, but Bruce continued.
    “The fact that no traumas came to the surface is a good sign, and I’m very proud of you both for completing the task. I suggest that you go back to the cabin and change into the next outfit, as you are ready to be a toddler.
    “Great, can I have real food then?”
    “Yes. You still need help from you father when you eat, but you can play with toys and eat the same as the rest of us.”
    “Wonderful,” Cia said dryly. “Can I bathe myself too?”
    “No, I’m afraid not – and in fact I noticed that you still keep some boundaries between you. I would like you to trust your father more today and let him wash you all over like a real father would. Again, let me remind you both that there is nothing sexual in this. Fathers and mothers wash their children daily to clean them.” He looked directly at me. “I’m not asking you to dwell between her legs or on her breasts, but it’s all a natural part of her body and should be washed too.”
    No doubt my face was crimson. “I can’t do that,” I said and squirmed in my seat.
    “Of course you can, and if you use a washcloth you won’t even be in direct contact.”
    “But surely we’re allowed a few personal boundaries,” I protested.
    “No, you’re not. Parents and babies bathe and sleep together. It has been that way for thousands of years and helps the child develop the ability to bond and trust.”
    He turned his attention to Cia. “I think you’ll agree with me the bonding and trusting doesn’t come easy to you, which indicates that this crucial part of your development is lacking.
    “In the light of your drug addiction this is particularly crucial since new research tells us that the root cause of addiction is really a lack of connection.”
    Cia and I both took deep breaths and exchanged looks of discomfort.
    “I know you feel like I’m pushing you, but I’m really not.” Bruce returned his gaze to me. “Ideally I would ask you to shave all Cia’s pubic hair since that isn’t part of childhood either, but I’m leaving that up to you both.”
    It was the first time I felt a reaction to his words that was far from appropriate. I always found it arousing to shave a woman’s pubic hair and it stirred something in me. “That’s not happening,” I said quickly. I didn’t have to look at Cia to know she agreed.
    Bruce raised both palms. “As I said,