Free Bricking It by Nick Spalding Page B

and the school.
    I guess I’ve always got the credit cards to fall back on if things get really tight.
    Speaking of tight, these wellies are quite, quite uncomfortable. I can feel a nice big blister forming on my right heel already. It’s probably just as well that I’m stood still a good twenty feet away from all the action . . . supervising .
    Ah, here comes Danny. His face is like thunder.
    ‘Off to the shop are we?’ I ask as he tramps towards me.
    ‘They want crisps with the tea this time. Spider likes Monster Munch.’
    ‘I’m sure he does.’ I try very hard not to smirk. ‘We’ll have to get a kettle on site before you walk through the soles of your shoes.’
    Danny looks past me, ignoring my comment. ‘Who’s that?’
    I turn and see a car approaching. It’s a beige Citroën 2CV.
    There’s only one person in this world I know who would drive such a bizarre car in this day and age.
    ‘What the hell is Mitchell doing here?’ I wonder out loud. ‘He’s not supposed to be on site for another week.’
    Danny shakes his head. ‘No idea. Perhaps he’s come to see how the work is going.’
    ‘But we haven’t even started on his designs yet. Not even for the roof. Fred says that’s a few days away at the absolute earliest.’
    ‘Well, tell him that.’
    The 2CV shudders to a halt just behind one of Fred’s Transits, and out jumps Mitchell Hollingsbrooke. I’m pleased to see the sailor’s hat has gone. Sadly, it’s been replaced by a bowler. The purple trousers are still in evidence as well, unfortunately.
    Out of the passenger seat climbs another person. One I seem to recognise, though I can’t quite put my finger on why.
    Danny recognises him as well, and has no doubt who he is. ‘Fuck me! That’s Gerard O’Keefe!’
    ‘Who?’
    Danny rolls his eyes. ‘Come on, Hayley! Gerard O’Keefe? He hosts Great Locations !’
    ‘What? That stupid daytime show on BBC One? The one they sling on before the lunchtime news?’
    ‘Yes!’
    ‘Why the hell is he here?’
    Danny shrugs. ‘I have no clue. Shall we go and find out?’ Without waiting for me, he marches off in the direction of the 2CV. I look back over at Fred and his team, who are still pumping in the concrete. I hope Danny doesn’t get too distracted by our new visitor. Spider looks like he could do a lot of damage to my brother’s spinal cord if he doesn’t get his Monster Munch.
    ‘Hayley! Hayley!’ Mitchell shouts at me over the sounds of heavy machinery. ‘Come over here! Over here, now !’
    I grit my teeth. Some might find Mitchell’s aggressive approach to social interaction to be endearing. I resolutely do not . But I have to say, Danny’s excitement has piqued my curiosity about why Gerard O’Keefe would be here, so I gingerly raise one blistered, wellington-boot-clad foot, and slowly make my way over to them through the mud.
    ‘Morning, Mitchell,’ I greet our architect.
    ‘Good morning, Hayley! Wow! Those are nice wellies. Very flattering on you!’
    Mad . Completely mad.
    It’s a bloody good job I fell in love with his design for the en suite bathroom the second I laid eyes on it.
    ‘Thank you, Mitchell,’ I reply. I give the other man an expectant look. Now I’m up close I recognise him properly. I’ve never watched more than two or three episodes of Great Locations , but Gerard O’Keefe is quite hard to miss, given that he is a good six foot three, has floppy brown hair that is only slightly greying at the temples, and is prone to wearing army surplus clothing that must give the BBC wardrobe department nightmares every time he steps on set. ‘It’s nice to meet you, Mr O’Keefe,’ I say. ‘My brother enjoys your show a lot.’
    ‘I do!’ Danny agrees enthusiastically. ‘That one last week? The Georgian townhouse with the dry rot and fungus everywhere? That was great!’
    Only home improvement shows can make a rational human being that excited about fungus.
    ‘Thank you, Danny,’ O’Keefe replies