Free Not Quite Nice by Celia Imrie

that , my darling, might just be an idea we could run with. How about you . . .’
    Carol was interrupted by a hammering on the front door.
    Theresa cowered. ‘Oh, not again . . .’
    ‘Come on.’ Carol rose. ‘Stand up to her. This time I’ll be right beside you ready to land her a hefty punch if she goes too far. And believe me I’ve got quite a powerful uppercut.’
    Wincing, Theresa went to the door, took a deep breath and opened up.
    A man stood on the threshold. ‘Oh, sorry. I’m looking for Carol. Someone told me she came in here?’
    ‘In here, William, darling. Come meet my lovely new friend, Theresa.’
    Theresa held the door wide and William edged into her living room.
    ‘Your taxi awaits, Divina!’ He stopped, open-mouthed and flung his arms out in a gesture of amazement. ‘Oh, Theresa, my dear, where did you get that wonderful table? Carol, isn’t it just divine!’
    ‘ Divine , as is its owner. Theresa – William. We’re all going to adore one another, aren’t we, darling?’
    Carol reached for her clutch bag, gloves and scarf. She moved towards the door and linked arms with William. ‘You’re going to sign up, aren’t you, William?’
    ‘Oh, God, Carol, you devil!’ William gave her an old-fashioned look. ‘What are you getting me into now?’
    ‘It’s wonderful – so exciting – Theresa is going to give us all classes in cooking.’
    In unison Theresa and William exclaimed.
    ‘Thirty euros per person per session. Ten weeks, isn’t it, Theresa? Such a bargain. Good Lord, William, look at the time. I’ll never get all my things done before the midday gun. Pip, pip!’
    And Carol was gone, leaving Theresa standing in the middle of her front room, holding a chunk of buttered baguette, her mouth agape.

8
    Sally sat on the sea wall, swinging her legs, watching a young couple quarrelling as they tried to get the engine going on their little motorboat. What fun it must be to have a boat, she thought. When things got on top of you, you could go down to the harbour, get in, start up the engine and drive off into the sea, away from everything. You might see dolphins, or maybe go fishing for your supper. Think about that!
    What would everyone think when they turned up to one of her dinners and not only had she cooked the fish, she’d actually caught it!
    ‘Put the bloody rope back in the box,’ snarled the man in the boat.
    ‘It’s soaking wet,’ sobbed the woman. ‘It’s too cold and dirty. My hands are filthy. Argh, look at my nails!’
    ‘For Christ’s sake,’ hissed the man, giving Sally a brusque and insincere smile as he pulled on the throttle and the boat spurted off into the bay, causing the woman to lose her balance and fall into the rear seating well.
    It was a beautiful day, and Sally decided today must be the day when she started anew, with fresh hopes and dreams. She was in a rut, and she knew she had to pull herself out. She had every reason to feel happy but kept giving herself artificial hopes which only led to crashing disappointments.
    She remembered once, years ago when she was in her teens, being lured into some place full of weirdos on Tottenham Court Road, and put through various stress tests. Then they took her into a curtained room and a rather smelly bearded man in sandals told her the reason that she was stressed was that she wanted to achieve too much – she wanted to be successful at work, and to get married and have a house of her own. If only she’d stop wanting those things she could attain happiness.
    What bunkum!
    Now that she thought about it she really had achieved all those things she had then wanted. Not that they had really brought her the wild happiness she thought they would, but she’d had fun along the way, and, as to the test, well, she’d only gone into the place to escape a heavy shower.
    Eating breakfast yesterday morning with the bluff Englishman Brian had been very cheery. She was sorry he hadn’t taken her up on the offer