course,
first we have to get to dinner.
So where are you staying?
Scott asks Dad. [Hint!]
Some little dive in downtown
Reno, answers Dad.
Figures, Leigh whispers
to Heather, who laughs out loud.
It’s not so bad, offers Linda
Sue. Small rooms, but clean.
Mom bustles onto the scene
with her purse. Let’s go!
Go? says Dad. Do you have
plans? Don’t let us interfere.
We weren’t planning on letting
you interfere, Leigh chimes in.
Scott moves between Leigh and
Dad. We have dinner reservations.
Linda Sue starts toward
the door. Time to go, Wayne.
Sure, says Dad. Good seeing
you all. Kristina? Walk me out?
D ad Carries Hunter out the Door
Okay, that’s really creepy. “Uh, Dad?”
I hurry after him, Linda Sue, and my
baby, but have to fight my way past
Mom. Wayne? she calls, wrinkling
her nose at the stench he’s left
in his wake. I’ll take the baby.
Dad turns, grinning. You didn’t think
I was kidnapping him, did you?
Sheesh. I’ve got enough problems!
[No shit!] Still, both Bree and I
are relieved when he hands off Hunter
to Mom. He gestures for me to follow
him to his car. I want to take you
out tomorrow night for your birthday.
As you can probably tell, I brought
a little go-fast along, but it’s mostly
gone. I’m thinking you’ve got stash
of your own. Can you spare some?
[Whose birthday is this, anyway?]
“I have a little I can share,” I admit.
“But only about half a gram.”
If I give you some cash, can you
score some more? He extracts two
wadded hundreds from a pocket.
“I’ll try. But just so you know,
this was the first time I’ve done
any since Hunter was born.”
Okay. He slides behind his steering
wheel. Oh. I ran into Buddy before
I left. He said to send you his love.
D ad Drives Off
Leaves me coughing
on his exhaust fumes and shaking
at his parting remark.
I haven’t stopped
to think about Buddy, aka Adam,
in a very long time.
Adam, who started me
on the highway to nowhere. And guess
where I’m standing now.
[Pretty damn close to nowhere.]
Still, remembering our
time together brings more happiness
than anything else.
They say you’ll always
love your very first
love. I’ll always love Adam a little.
But he’s married, with
a baby just about Hunter’s age. Why
would he send his love?
[Because he’s a fucking player.]
Of course he’s a player.
But he was my player once, at least
for a few great weeks.
Everyone piles out the
door. We’ll have to take two cars,
says Mom. Jake, you ride
with Dad. Ladies, we can
squeeze into mine. But I volunteer to go
with Scott. “More room.”
[Less nervous conversation.]
Jake sits up front. I take
the backseat for me, Bree, and
memories best forgotten.
Dad stirs them up too,
and something else—a big ol’
cauldron of guilt.
Two weeks and I’m most
of the way through a ball. What have I
done? Can I undo it now?
[Fat chance, now you’ve set me free.]
S aturday Morning
I wake to voices in the hallway.
[Don’t move. Pretend you’re still asleep.]
Mom: I’m going to wake her up.
Leigh: Let her sleep. I’ll take care of Hunter.
Heather: She did look exhausted last night.
Exhausted barely covers it.
[And now you’ll be swamp-headed.]
Mom: I don’t know what’s up with her lately.
Leigh: Having a baby so young can’t be easy.
Heather: Her dieting must take a toll too.
Okay, she definitely knows.
[But is she going to tell?]
Mom: Dieting? What do you mean?
Heather: She barely touched dinner last night.
Leigh: And you know how she loves Italian.
Heather barely touched dinner either.
[Yeah, but she’s a better bullshitter.]
Mom: She has lost a few pounds recently.
Leigh: Rapid weight loss isn’t good, though.
Heather: I’d love to know how she’s managed it.
I’m going to kill her.
[You don’t, I definitely will.]
T he Hallway Conversation
Recedes and I tug myself out of bed.
I thought I did a good con job at dinner
last night. Now
Debbie Howells/Susie Martyn