felt way too self-conscious to save anyoneâs life. So I quit that. I hope I never come across anyone whoâs drowning. Iâll feel so guilty watching them sink.â
Renée giggles. I love it when I make her laugh. She is the funny one, not me. Itâs always such an achievement when I crack a successful joke.
There is a pause in the conversation. A chance for me to tell her whatâs been happening in my life over the last few weeks, the side I havenât really told her about yet. The side I know she wonât like.
âBut I am going to keep going to church,â I say.
âAnother âFlo fadâ?â she says, undeterred and continuing to guzzle her fried potato like her life depends on it.
âThis isnât a fad, Renée. Not this time.â I donât pick up another chip. I donât do anything to distract from what I am saying. I stare at her until she has no choice but to stop eating and listen to me.
âI believe in God. The last few weeks have been incredible for me,â I say. âI go to church every Sunday, and to a friendâs house every Thursday to pray and discuss the Bible. I am learning about Christianity, and itâs changing my life.â
Silence.
A bit more silence, then  â¦Â
âWhat
friendâs
house?â
âNo oneâs in particular  â¦Â There are five of us. We take it in turns to meet at each otherâs houses on Thursday nights. Well, everyoneâs house except mine, because, well, you know my mum doesnât want me having people over. But we sit around, drink tea and talk about the Bible. We pray too, which at first I thought would be weird, but I really like it. One of us says what is on our mind and we hold hands and pray for them.â
âAnd then what happens? Does God appear floating on a cloud with a big white beard and tell you all how to live your lives?â she says, much more sarcastically than I was expecting.
âNo, Renée, God doesnât just appear. But we all get some clarity and it helps us focus on what is important.â
âSo, what is important then?â
âOur faith.â
âOh right, of course.â She shrugs. âWell, I give it a month.â
We sit there staring out of the window. Is she not even going to try to understand the positive effect this is having on my life? I am pleased for the break in tension when I see my friend Matt. I wave. Renée looks stunned, almost offended.
âWait, who did you just wave at?â she asks, accusingly.
âMatt Richardson. He goes to my church.â
Her eyes start bulging, like Iâve taken all of my clothes off in front of her.
âMatt Richardson goes to church? But he smokes in the lay-by. And heâs weird.â
âWell, you think that people who go to church are weird, donât you?â I say, giving her a moment to think about that. âBut he isnât, Matt is lovely. Ooh, heâs coming in. And his mum is with him. Yay.â
Renée has gone stiff, like a scared cat. Only her eyes are darting around.
âHi Matt, hi Mary,â I say as they come in. âThis is my best friend, Renée.â
Mary Richardson shakes Renéeâs stiff hand, and Matt just nods at her.
âWe have come in for a hot chocolate,â says Mary. âWe will see you later on, though, Flo? Matt is happy to be having the group at our house tonight.â
âLovely,â I say. âEnjoy your hot chocolate. See you at seven.â
They go to the back of the café and we sit back down. I take the last chip from my bowl.
âWhat the hell just happened?â Renée asks, as if I just did something really inappropriate with Matt and his mum.
âWhat do you mean?â
âMatt? Iâm just trying to get my head round it.
He
goes to church?â
âYep. He doesnât want to get teased for believing in Jesus, so he has this character that