Free Finding an Angel by P. J. Belden Page A

the door.
    “Making the biggest mistake of my life,” I mumble as I walk past her and enter the house.
    “What do you mean,” she asks, closing the door and moving to sit next to me on the couch.
    “What’s going on,” my father asks looking up from the crossword he was working on.
    “I asked Jessa to Prom and I scared her. I never intended to scare her. She didn’t get hers. And I’d love nothing more than to share mine with her, but it freaked her out so much that she practically became a statue.”
    Mom looks at my dad who smirks from his recliner. “Does she know you love her?”
    “Yes, I tell her every day. She loves me too. I don’t need the sex talk either. Hawkeye had that with me a while ago over the phone. Jessa’s different anyway. With her it wouldn’t be a need to fill, but something completely different. We both decided that we weren’t ready for that step.”
    My mom’s mouth was gaping open and my father’s face was frozen somewhere between a smirk and an ‘oh shit’ look. If it weren’t for the fact that I may have just screwed everything up, I may have laughed at them, but I just can’t. Not right now anyway.
    “Yes, Jessa and I have talked about sex. We talk about everything. Neither of us want to push or rush anything. Hawk had told me that the first time is more important for the girl than the boy and that I need to remember that when the time comes. I do know that. As well as the fact that it could be painful for her. Pain is not something I ever want to cause Jessa and I think asking her to Prom did that.”
    Coughing or clearing his throat, it’s hard to tell, my father sets his crossword aside and leans forward with his elbows on his knees.
    “Um, are you thinking about sex with Jess?”
    “Hello,” I say exasperated. “Have you not been listening? Yes, we’ve talked about it, but neither of us are ready for that step. We just want to enjoy the simple things.”
    “Which are,” Mom asks.
    A small smile forms on my lips, “Cuddling as we talk about our days or just anything in general. Kissing. Like I said, the simple, but powerful things. I will admit there have been several nights that I’ve held her as we talk and I think about what it’d be like to fall asleep with her in my arms and wake up to her beautiful smile in the morning. No sex. Just sleeping. Just holding her,” I make sure to clarify at the end.
    My mom grabs a tissue from the coffee table and dabs at her tears. My father smiles, but shakes his head.
    “I meant are you thinking about sex on Prom night with Jessa?”
    For a moment, I’m thrown by my father’s direct question. He’s never been that direct with me and from what Hawkeye has said it was never that way with him either. But then I start considering his question. The thought of making love to Jessa fills me with a warmth every time, but Jessa needs more time and today proved that. Hell, I’d wait a million years if I needed to for her. She is worth it, without a shadow of a doubt I know she is.
    “No. I thought about how she could be just Jessa for a night. I thought about a memory she could hang on to when things got bad for her. But having sex with her was never my motivator behind the reason for asking her to Prom. She deserves a night to be a princess and I wanted to treat her to that. I realize now what a big mistake that was now and how fragile she still was even though she’s made such huge strides,” I shrug.
    “Son…”
    “Don’t. Really. You don’t have to give me any talks sex or otherwise. I’m not stupid. I love Jessa. She will always come before my desires. Whenever the time does come that we do make love, I’ll be careful and we’ll both understand the step we are taking together. Okay?”
    Both my parents nod their heads in agreement with small smiles on their faces. Unable to sit there under their gazes, I tell them I’m heading to my room. As I’m walking around the corner from the living room, I hear my mom