Free JACK by Adrienne Wilder Page B

being a girl. I just don’t
want
to be a girl. There’s a difference.”
    “Which is?”
    “To be scared means something happened to make you that way.”
    He nodded and took his pen out of his breast pocket. “Did something happen to make you scared?”
    “No.”
    “Nothing?”
    “No, because I’m not scared.”
    The ball point scratched against the paper. “When did you decide you wanted to be a boy?”
    “I didn’t decide.”
    He stopped writing. “There had to be some point you decided to leave your female self behind and adopt the idea of being male.”
    “No, there doesn’t.”
    “Jacqueline.”
    “Jack!”
    “Ok, Jack.”
    “Thank you.”
    He waited, pen poised over his important notebook. “Would you please answer my question, Jack?”
    I asked one of my own instead. “When did you decide you were a man?”
    “Excuse me?”
    “If I made a choice to be a boy, when did you decide to be a man?”
    His smile was forced. “I never chose to be a man, Jack, I was born that way.”
    I shrugged. “So was I.”
    *** *** ***
     
    I carried my tray over to what had become my usual spot in the cafeteria.
    Grom grinned at me. He had eggs stuck in his teeth. “Ah, Just Jack, how wonderful for you to join us.”
    I yawned as I sat down next to Noah. He watched me with a worried expression.
    “Are you well?” Grom said.
    “I’m fine. Just tired.” I spooned up a bite of oatmeal.
    “I see. The sandman has not been kind to you, has he? Have you tried placing stones in your window in the shape of a fish?”
    The oatmeal on my spoon slid off into my plate. “A fish?”
    “Yes. The sandman loves fish.”
    “Why fish?”
    Grom twisted his mouth to the side while poking his fork into his eggs. “Come to think of it, I have no idea why he likes fish.”
    Noah laughed and so did I.
    After a moment Noah said, “Sometimes I have nightmares.”
    “Your voice is coming back.” I really liked the sound of it.
    “Takes a while.” Noah put a hand to his throat for a moment. “Are bad dreams the reason why you can’t sleep?”
    I drew shapes in my oatmeal with my spoon. “It’s not nightmares that keep me up.”
    His right eyebrow went up.
    “It’s the new orderly.”
    Noah leaned forward so he could see around my shoulder. I didn’t have to look to know Frank was watching me.
    I put my lips close to Noah’s ear. “He stands outside my door at night.”
    “Are you sure?” He turned his head. Now his mouth was close to mine.
    “Yes.”
    “How do you know?”
    “I hear him breathing and he blocks the window.”
    “What do you do?”
    I shrugged. “The only thing I can. I close my door.”
    “And he just stands there?”
    “Yes.”
    “All night?”
    “Not all night. He leaves but he comes back. He watches me, Noah. All the time.”
    “Why?”
    “I don’t know.”
    Grom tapped his finger on the table. “What are you two whispering about? You’re not planning a quest without me, are you?”
    I laughed. “Of course not.”
    “Good. I’m too busy with my flight spell right now to accompany you and you’re too young to go off on your own. Ogres and demons, beasts of all kinds are out there in the forests.”
    I held up my hand. “I promise, Grom. We won’t go on any quest without you.” When I dropped it back into my lap, Noah’s fingers pushed between mine.
    “It’s supposed to storm tonight.” He squeezed and I squeezed back.
    “I won’t let you be alone.” I never left him alone when it stormed. I just had to make sure the hall was clear before I snuck into his room at night and again in the morning.
    “What about Frank? I don’t want something to happen to you.”
    “It won’t.”
    “How will you…” His gaze went over my shoulder.
    “I’ll come through the vent.”
    *** *** ***
     
    I was given a new privilege. The freedom to go outside. The garden wasn’t much, mostly grass and a few scraggly bushes. There wasn’t a view because the stone walls were too high for