Free The American Lover by G E Griffin Page B

they realized that despite his bad boy appearance, he was actually a straightforward, decent, honest bloke.  They could see that he made me feel much more confident about myself, because he liked me just the way I was.  You see, he never worried about impressing people, never gave a stuff what anyone else thought.  And when you’re with someone like that, someone who loves you for who you are, doesn't want to change you, who’s always on your side no matter what, it does wonders for your self esteem. Drew loved me, Drew believed in me, and that was all that was important. Everyone else could just go to hell.”
    “Sounds wonderful.”
    “Don't get me wrong.  Drew was far from perfect, and it wasn’t all plain sailing between us. He had a temper at times, and I could be pretty moody, so inevitably we argued and had rows. He was messy, untidy, had dreadful taste in music, and no dress sense whatsoever. He thought I was compulsively tidy and obsessively organized.  And he was not in the least bit romantic. He was a very practical and down to earth kind of guy, so he never really got the point of romantic gestures like flowers or cards.” Faith rolled her eyes.
    “That sounds familiar,” I chuckled. “My ex-wife complained I never made a big enough deal about things like Valentine’s Day, because I saw them as just some cynical commercial exercise.”
    “That’s what Drew used to say,” she smiled back. “But they were minor issues really.  Bottom line was, we balanced each other out.  He made me feel secure and special. And I could defuse his temper in a way no one else could.  He could easily have gone off the rails, he could have got into trouble, but I calmed him down, kept him on the straight and narrow, which his mum and dad were very grateful about. I got on really well with them - Drew was an only child, and they always said I was the daughter they never had, and that I was a good influence on their son. You see, when he started to lose his temper, I’d just give him a look and laugh at him, and then he couldn’t help himself, he’d end up laughing as well. He never used to lose his temper with me, just with things, like swearing and cursing at a car he was working on - I used to think he probably invented new swear words.”
    “Sounds just like my younger brother Seth,” I chuckled.
    “Must be a mechanic thing.”
    “I guess. Anyhow, you and Drew were lucky to have each other by the sound of things.”
    “Yes we were. But the fact of the matter is, he’s gone now, and I’ve been left on my own, trying to find a way to carry on. But he was such a massive part of my life that I have no idea how to start again, even after two years.”
    I could see her eyes beginning to fill with tears, before she shook her head and forced a smile. I tried to find some words to help.
    “One small step at a time, Faith. It’s the only way. Look at your options and work out what it is you want, then figure out how to set about achieving it. The fancy term for it is ‘back casting’.” Christ knows, I’d sat through enough ‘power of positive thinking’ kind of seminars to be able to quote some of the crap they promoted, but in this case I thought it might actually be helpful.
    “Well, I’ve done the whole happily married to my soul mate thing. I’ve had my once in a lifetime love, which I know is more than some people ever get to experience. I can't expect to get that lucky twice, and I have no expectation of it happening again. Been there, done that, crossed it off the list.  And to be honest, I met Drew when I was so young, that part of me thinks that although I didn't choose to be where I am now, maybe I should make the most of it.”
    “What do you mean exactly?” I wasn’t sure where she was going with this.
    Faith sat quietly for a minute as she stared at me.
    “I never intended to chew your ear off like this, Caleb. But if you don’t mind, as I seem to be experiencing verbal diarrhea this