Free Sometimes Love Hurts by Marie Fostino

calls from your father at work became less and less.  His hours were strange and he always arrived home at different times.  Finally one day, he came home and went straight into the bedroom to sleep, which quickly became a habit.  We seemed to stop communicating, no touching, nothing.  I was so depressed that I grew angry with him for not spending time with us.  He seemed so indifferent that he just stopped talking.  I was caught in my own world of depression and could not understand why your father wasn’t there for me.
      I am not sure I really noticed that he wasn’t around so much until one day when you and I spent the night at my parents’ home.  Your father had to work, so you and I went for the weekend alone.  I needed a break from him anyway.  My parents tried to console me as I still cried over losing the baby. They reminded me of how lucky I was to have you. I needed the comfort of their kind words, and the comfort of hugs.
    Finally on Sunday night, I kissed my parents goodbye and drove home feeling a little better about everything.  I even thought I needed to try to make things up with your father.  After all, it takes two to fight.  I brought you into the quiet house and you started calling for your father.  He came out to greet us and when I leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek, he seemed shy.  We had not kissed each other in a while so I figured I would make the first move to restart the intimacy again.  
    “Hey,” I said to Michael.  “I missed you.” 
    He slowly drew up a small smile before he said he missed me too, but something definitely felt a little different to me about the way he acted.  My intuition told me that something was wrong.  I did not like the way that felt at all.  We went to bed together and for the first time in a long time, I longed for him to make love to me.  His lips quivered when he kissed me and he did not take the time that he usually did.  I was not sure who he was at that moment.  I felt like I really didn’t know him.  I turned on my side of the bed and moved my pillow, I had a panic attack.  I did not know what to do or how to approach what I saw.  My body broke out in a cold sweat and I could hardly breathe.  There on the sheets was some dry beige foundation of makeup. My heart started beating so fast that I had to get out of there.  I tripped when I got out of the bed and fell to the floor.  Your father woke up startled by the sudden commotion
    “Come back to bed, Natalie,” he said in a sleepy voice. 
    I could not believe it.  He acted like nothing happened. 
    “Michael!” I shouted. My face turned red and my eyes opened wide enough to shoot daggers.  I could tell by his face that he had no idea what I was upset about.
    “What’s the problem,” he asked bewildered.
    I did not know what to say.  Since I could not say it, I just pointed to the stain on the sheets.
    “So you forgot to take off your makeup,” he laughed.  “It will wash.” 
    How stupid did he think I was?
    “I don’t wear makeup to bed, Michael,” I replied.  
    I rushed out of the bedroom and into the night air.   I had to walk or even run.  I had to think.  I had trouble comprehending what was going on, but one thing was sure: my husband was having an affair.  I walked quickly for a couple of miles before I returned home.  I cried and prayed asking God what was happening.  I was so angry and hurt that I had to get some of the anxiety out of my system.  What was I supposed to do then?  How much more was I able to take? My head hurt along with the muscles of my legs as I continued to walk briskly.  With unanswered questions and feeling so tired, I made my way back up the walk to our house.  I must have slammed the door; I don’t remember, but I heard you crying so I went to your room to see what was wrong.  You looked up at me with such sad eyes as if in some strange way, you knew I was hurting.  I picked you up and sat with you on the