Free One by J. A. Laraque Page A

truly felt hollow. I climbed the few steps to the pulpit, my body felt drained. I stood behind the pulpit and laid my head against the leather-padded wood.
    If this was the rapture, what crime did I commit that was so horrible that I would be deemed as evil and left behind? I was losing control. Tears streamed down my eyes. Below the top of the pulpit was a small compartment. Inside was a large leather bound bible, the one the pastor read from every Sunday sat inside. I pulled it out and placed it on top of the pulpit. I searched though its pages. I wanted to find one of the passages Miss Grant read to us that Sunday I walked out of class. I found what I was looking for and I began reading silently to myself then slowly building up to a whisper.
    “ For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord Himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.”
    Shall we ever be with the Lord and where was my place I asked myself. If I were unworthy to descend to the heavens then there would be other’s left behind as well, where were they? I slammed the bible shut. I could feel the rage building up inside me again. What I have seen was not a world emptied of the good, but a world devoid of all life. Was that God’s plan? I looked up to the ceiling. I was giving validation to something I said I did not believe existed.
    “ Is that what this is? Your plan, did you take your children to heaven? What about me, am I not your child as well? Why was I left behind? Answer me!”
    Emotional distress mixed with scored anger. I wanted to burn the church to the ground and curse God’s name. My eyes locked onto the bible, red by tears and anger. I grabbed it by its edges and ripped it from the pulpit throwing it to the ground.
     
     
     
    “ I don’t believe in that! Do you hear me? I don’t believe in that. I don’t believe in you!”
    I was blinded by anger, screaming to no one. I pushed my weight against the pulpit; it tipped forward crashing down onto the stage and sliding to the floor. The sound echoed throughout the auditorium. I fell to my knees crying hysterically. I wanted it to end. I wished I had the courage to let go when I was on my balcony. I did not want to be alone any longer.
    There on my hands and knees my mind slowly regained control. I forced my body upright and looked across the auditorium swearing to myself this would be the last time I would see this place. My situation was not an act of God, there was an answer and I had to be strong enough to find it on my own because nobody else was there to do it for me. I had the will to continue and I promised myself I would not stop until the real truth was found. I stood up from the crimson carpet and left the auditorium. I was content in the fact that even in the absence of faith I would persevere as I always had, on my own.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    The Creeping Nightmares
    When I was eight years-old my mother and father left Ashley and I with a babysitter, there was some event at McCormick place, no children were allowed and they just wanted some time to themselves. The sitter allowed me to stay up watching the cartoon channel. I was not use to staying up so late and fell asleep on the couch. I remembered waking up in the middle of the night in complete darkness. I was terrified and didn’t know where I was.
    Crying out at the top of my lungs I screamed for mom and dad. They ran down the stairs to me in less than a minute, but to me it felt as if they were never coming and that I was alone. That started a chain of nightmares much different than anything I