Free Fan Girl by Brandace Morrow

much?
    DirtyDozen: You don’t get it. They give me the tickets. I go overseas for the shows because I can and employees love the t-shirts from the different locations.
    RedyGo: They give you the tickets?
    DirtyDozen: Yeah. They do.
    RedyGo: Weird, are you like a roadie or family member or something?
    DirtyDozen: Enough about RB. I have more important things to think about. I’m going to wallow. Later
     

Chapter 9
     
     
    Two and a half weeks later, I’m staring at a stick that I just peed all over, praying that I don’t get this complication in my life.  It’s just stress.  That causes missed periods all the time right? Three minutes, which seem like years, then I triple and quadruple check the results with the box. Double lines. Fuck. Now what?
    One thing I know is that I can’t keep it. I am not going to be known as the once fat, underappreciated, number one fan that revamps herself and seduces a rock star to trap him. If only birth control pills didn’t make me crazy. Stacie and I found that out the hard way in New York. You haven’t seen road rage until you’ve seen Ali Pierce on birth control in traffic.
    I look up abortion clinics and call to make an appointment. The first available is four weeks away. I sit and stare at the wall for a long time before my phone’s buzzing gets my attention. I pull it out and see a text.
    RedyGo: I have a few minutes, what’s up with you lately.
    DirtyDozen: Remember that stupid thing I did? I’m fixing it.
    RedyGo: Easy fix?
    DirtyDozen: Compared to a lifetime of shame, yes
    RedyGo: You know you’re talking weird right?
    DirtyDozen: Sorry, just have a lot on my mind. Eat anything fun today?
    Redy travels for his work all the time, and always sends me pictures of his meals, which are the weirdest thing he can find on the menu.
    RedyGo: Nah just a burger and fries today.
    DirtyDozen: Way to lift my spirits Redy. Have you found your perfect girl yet?
    RedyGo: Nope. Still looking.
    DirtyDozen: Do you want kids and the picket fence or what?
    RedyGo: Yeah, I mean one day. I think when I find the girl the rest will fall into place when it’s meant to.
    DirtyDozen: Who made you into such a romantic?
    RedyGo: My mom duh. And my pops married her really quick after they met. They always said they knew from the beginning.
    DirtyDozen: Lucky ducks
    RedyGo: Right? I have to get back to it. Ill text you again when I get a minute. Don’t hang yourself, you’ve been extra weird lately.
    Redy had become almost as close to me as Stacie is. Our unbiased opinions to each other and removed observations are refreshing. I still don’t tell him about the pregnancy, though. There’s no point, it’ll be over soon.
    ~
    Four weeks later I’m a puking mess, and having trouble coming up with excuses at work. I get to the abortion clinic and try not to get sick. My stomach is rumbling and moving around. I go over my list of reasons why I need to do this one more time:
     
Full-time employee
Father not in the picture
Never going to find the right guy with a kid
Don’t want to be accused of getting preggo on purpose
I’m their number one fan, and the irony of that is sickening
    Then my traitorous mind doesn’t think those are good enough reasons to terminate my pregnancy so it goes over the reasons I shouldn’t go through with this:
     
My parents were shitty, I can do better
I can afford daycare
Father doesn’t know, he might want to be in the picture
Would he be the right guy if he didn’t love the kid I already had?
I didn’t get preggo on purpose
If my parents knew I would turn out to be such a disappointment, would they have had an abortion?
What if my baby is the next president, or cures cancer?
    So to sum up, the reasons I want to get rid of my kid are completely selfish. I stand up just as they call my name and wave as I walk back out the door.
    As I let myself into my condo and turn off, then reset my alarm, I hear the unmistakable ding sound coming from the cell phone in my