Free Sucking in San Francisco by Jessica McBrayer

and wanted to call the police. I had enough control over them to keep them from doing that. They helped me clean up. As I lay soaking in a hot bath, the steam coming off the water, I was reminded of the steam coming off the blood of the man I had just killed. I felt out of control and dirty, sinful. I needed to get the blood off me. My fear of dirt was born that night. I began to think of all the things in the dirt on other people and in the blood all over me and now in me. I scrubbed savagely ‘til I was raw. Although my aversion to blood has gone away because I need to eat, the germ warrior in me has survived and grown stronger.
    I stayed in bed for the next two days. I was beginning to get thirsty again but fought the impulse to eat my maid. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. My maid had started to gossip about me to her best friend who happened to work for Helena. My maid told her friend about me. Everyone knew about the death of the man so close to my home. Helena came over right away.
    I refused to see her at first but she persisted. I finally dressed in a robe and went out to meet her, explaining that I wasn’t feeling well. I was surprised because I didn’t feel the need to ‘eat’ Helena like I did my maid. I was immediately suspicious of her. Helena took one look at me and knew what had happened. We get very pale and have almost no heartbeat. We have no rich blood scent. We don’t need to breathe. Still not knowing my own strength, I broke my teacup while we were talking. She told me I had become a vampire and she was one herself. I started crying, or at least an approximation of that, since I couldn’t shed tears anymore. Then, I was very angry, but I soon realized it wasn’t her fault. I told her I was so hungry and I didn’t know what to do. Helena supervised me in feeding so I wouldn’t do any damage to my next meal. She also mesmerized them so they wouldn’t remember. She taught me that there were a lot of perks to this life. I would always be the same size. No more grocery bills. I had super powers. I would have incredible hearing and sense of smell. I would be able to move like the wind. I wouldn’t have to breathe unless I wanted to. I could bend steel bars and would never grow old. Helena and I developed a close friendship and have been friends ever since.
    I lived on my own, with a lot of help coping with my condition, from Helena, Julian and Sebastian. Of course I had the advantage of a huge house and servants. I still spent all my time at Helena’s learning how to be a vampire. I was lonely in my big house. They took me in. It was 1933 and I was twenty-one. I haven’t regretted my life but I have regretted using humans to live off of. That regret runs deep in me. I might be a little lonely at times but I was more alone when I was human. At least I have true, close friends now. We traveled for quite a few years and I sold my huge house and added those funds to my nest egg. There are days I think I should just take up Helena’s offer and move in with them. After nearly a century, I’m still discovering what I want my life to mean. The difference between who I was at twenty-one and who I am becoming is the difference between a pampered and self indulgent child and a contributing not quite human being. Emphasis on being. I’ve made it this long. I’m satisfied but sometimes I am very lonely.
    Aidan can see me thinking and he raises a bold eyebrow but doesn’t say anything. His scrutiny makes me uneasy. I try to cover my discomfort by looking everywhere at once for potential accidents. He rides in silence except for a little snicker every once in a while. Lights change too fast to be mere coincidence. Cars cut in front of me and the only thing that keeps us in one piece is my excellent vampire reflexes shifting us out of the way. By the time I pull up to my work place, in the Haight, my eye twitches. Bastard. I get extremely lucky and find a spot to park across the street at a meter. I