Free All That Lies Within by Lynn Ames Page A

I’m sorry to burden you with me at this late stage, but as you know, there’s no one else. So I’m going to try to make this as easy as possible for you. If I’m unable to speak for myself, to hold a conversation, to live with dignity…  Well then, I hope you’ll be kind and compassionate, even if you don’t think I deserve those things, and end my suffering. The young woman I’ve witnessed you to be in those instances when I’ve been able to catch glimpses of you here and there, leads me to believe you’re a bigger human being than I ever was. I’m sure I’m in good hands.”
     Dara didn’t want to care. She didn’t want to feel grief or despair or anything at all for this virtual stranger who’d given birth to her. But she did. She put her hand to her chest where her heart ached. “Oh, Mother.”
    “I don’t know if you can, but I hope you’ll find it in your heart in the end to forgive me all my shortcomings. Please know, Dara, that in my own way, I loved you very much. I always did. I’m sorry I wasn’t very good at it and I’m sure it’s cold consolation to you now, but it’s the truth. I’ve lived the past eight years all by myself, but somehow I was never bothered about being alone until now. Now, I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll die all alone and no one will care.”
    Dara covered her mouth as a sob escaped. This woman she knew so little sounded so small, frail, and frightened. All Dara wanted to do was to bring her comfort.
    “I-I just wanted to be sure that the last words you ever hear from me are these: I love you, Dara. I’m proud of you. I’m so proud to be your mother, even if I never deserved you. I hope you’ll forgive me and I hope you’ll go on to be the greatest actress of your generation. But more than that, I hope you’ll find lasting happiness and love. You deserve all that and more. Goodbye, Dara. I love you.”
    Tears streamed down Dara’s cheeks as she listened to her mother weakly call for the nurse to show her how to stop recording. She clicked out of the program and shut down the laptop.
    “Goodbye, Mother.”
     

     
    The movie theater was packed, despite the fact that it was a matinee. Rebecca found herself a seat on the aisle and dug into the popcorn bag. Since her flight home wasn’t scheduled to depart until that evening, she decided to take in Rock Me Gently .
    Dara Thomas’s face and lithe body filled the screen. She was wearing a body-hugging leather ensemble, her hair flying wildly around her face as she paced a concert stage in stiletto-heeled boots. Rebecca silently sighed. This would be a most pleasant distraction before her flight.
    She wondered if Dara actually was doing the singing or if she was being voice-dubbed. If she’s faking that, she’s an even better actress than I gave her credit for. Watching Dara play a self-indulgent, hyper-exposed, but vulnerable rock star, Rebecca flashed back to Sharon’s dismissive inference that being an actress would be a waste of intelligence. Here was a Yale graduate on screen—the antithesis of an airhead, and watching her bring this character to life reinforced Rebecca’s belief that it required plenty of mental acuity to play a role that she imagined must be so different from the actress’s reality. Rebecca happily lost herself in the performance. Catching this movie might prove to be the best part of her trip.  
     

     
    “Are you on your way to the hospital?”
    “Yes.” Using her shoulder, Dara held the phone against her ear as she put in her earring. She hoped Carolyn couldn’t hear how relieved she was to hear from her.
    “Don’t come downstairs.”
    “Why not?”
    “Because there’s a pack of paparazzi camped out in the lobby.”
    “Do I want to know how you know that? Please tell me you’re not here.”
    “Okay, if that’s what you want to hear.”
    Dara sighed. “You’re here.”
    “Of course I’m here. I’m your best friend. Where else would I be?”
    “I can