Free Esrever Doom (Xanth) by Piers Anthony Page A

awkward pause. Kody really did not know how to make small talk with a woman he didn’t know, but it seemed she was similarly limited. So he made the effort.
    “The— I’m new here—new to Xanth—and I don’t know what’s what. Can you tell me what ‘Designated Wife’ means, and why Wira is the only person who can set the Good Magician straight about a scheduling conflict?”
    Zosi smiled. That made her surprisingly warm. “It—it’s a long story, maybe dull.”
    With luck it would last until Dara returned with the refreshments. He smiled back. “I’m a fair listener, and reasonably dull myself.”
    She smiled again, appreciating the attempt at camaraderie. “The Good Magician is said to be really old. Over a century. He takes youth elixir to keep his physical age around one hundred. In the course of his life he outlived six wives—technically five and a half—that’s complicated—then finally went to Hell to get one back. Instead he got them all back at once. That was awkward, because in Xanth a man is supposed to have only one wife at a time. So now one wife is designated each month and the others remain clear. This month it’s Dara Demoness, who is a rare demon with a soul, making her decent as demons go. But the person who remains full time to handle castle details is Wira, Humfrey’s son’s wife. She seems to be the only individual he really likes, and indeed she’s just about the nicest woman in Xanth. He can’t say no to her. Normally he is insufferably grumpy, but never to her. So they let her handle anything awkward.”
    “Ah, now I comprehend. Very nicely put, Zosi.”
    She paused. “Oh, my! I’m blushing. I don’t know how to handle that.”
    A simple routine compliment made her lose her composure? “Don’t be concerned. Please. This is what girls do.”
    “I’m not exactly a girl.”
    Now he paused. “I don’t want to be offensive, but to me you look exactly like a girl.”
    “It’s— I shouldn’t have said— It’s supposed to be secret— Oh, bloop!”
    This was getting curious. So he focused on the least of it. “Bloop?”
    “I mean bleep. I’m not used to swearing. I’m all flustered.”
    “Zosi, chances are we’ll never meet again. If something’s secret, I promise I’ll never tell.”
    “I don’t know. I was afraid I would mess up, and I’m doing it already.” She wiped her face. “Now I’m crying.”
    What could he do? Kody got up and crossed to her, putting a hand on her shaking shoulder. “Would it help if I told you how messed up I am?”
    “I don’t know,” she repeated miserably.
    “I’m from Mundania. If I understand it correctly, I’m asleep there while my body recovers from some bad accident, and this is all a dream. That is, it may be real to you, but not to me.”
    “You don’t mind touching me?”
    He was surprised yet again, then realized that might be the effect of the Curse, making a pretty girl ugly. “I see you as you are, a pretty girl. I don’t mind touching you.”
    “Oh!” she wailed, putting her face against his hip.
    “I’m here to find out how to reverse the Curse of perception, so that Xanth can revert to normal.”
    “Oh, I want to revert!” she said.
    He found himself sitting beside her, one arm around her shoulders, comfortingly. “With luck, it will happen.”
    “Not that.”
    She was just one surprise after another. “I don’t think I understand.”
    “I’ve got to tell you, though you’ll hate me.”
    “I won’t—”
    “I’m a zombie.”
    He must have misheard. “A what?”
    “A zombie. The living dead, with rotten pieces constantly falling off. Nobody can stand to be near us.”
    Kody shook his head. “But you’re warm and firm and soft. No rot.”
    “Not now. But usually. When I revert to my true nature.”
    A dim light was beginning to show. “You are normally a zombie? Changed for this occasion?”
    “Yes. I haven’t been fleshly long, only a few hours, and I’m not used to it. I hate