because his head is flat!
âWhussup, Big B?â Crench asked.
Feenman reached for a slice of toast. I had to slap his hand away.
Belzer, Feenman, and Crench are crammed into the tiny room across from me. They insisted that I have my own room. They know I need a lot of space for planning and scheming.
âOkay, guys. Give me the report,â I said. âHow are the Bernie Bridges T-shirts selling?â
Crench shook his head. âTheyâre not selling, Bernie.â
âHow many have you sold?â I asked. âTwenty? Thirty?â
âNone,â Feenman replied. âN-u-n-n. None.â
âI think you spell none with a y ,â Crench said.
âNever mind the spelling lesson,â I said. âWhy arenât kids buying the Bernie Bridges T-shirts?â
âBecause theyâre itchy,â Crench said. âKids donât want to pay five dollars for a T-shirt that makes them scratch all day.â
âBut itâs got my picture on it!â I said.
Crench shook his head again. âBernie, we told you not to make the T-shirts out of rope. No one wants to wear a rope T-shirt.â
âBut rope is cheaper than cotton,â I said. âI have to make a profit, donât I?â
Feenman shrugged. âWe couldnât even sell them to the third graders, Big B. I think you should give up.â
âGive up?â I cried. I jumped to my feet. âGive up?How dare you use those words with me! Do I ever give up for you ?â
They lowered their heads. âNo, Bernie,â they both answered.
Feenman made another grab for the toast. I jabbed him with my fork.
âI never give up,â I said. âI do everything for you guys. I do the impossible for you guysâdonât I?â
âYes, you do, Big B,â Belzer said. He turned to Feenman and Crench. âWho convinced the cook that a Milky Way bar is a vegetable ?â
âBernie did,â they both answered.
âAnd who convinced Headmaster Upchuck to make Game Boys a required school supply ?â Belzer asked.
âBernie did.â
âWho convinced Mrs. Heinie to give extra credit for putting your name at the top of your test?â Belzer asked.
âBernie did!â Feenman and Crench replied.
âDonât forget wedgies,â I whispered to Belzer.
âOh, right!â Belzer said. âWho got Coach Bunz to make Giving Wedgies a varsity sport?â
âBernie did,â they answered. âBernie did!â
âYouâre the best , Big B!â Belzer cried.
We all cheered and slapped high fives and did the secret Rotten House handshake.
âSo get out there and sell those rope T-shirts,â I said.
âSell, sell, sell!â Feenman and Crench shouted, pumping their fists in the air. And they hurried out the door.
Chapter 3
A C ROWD G ATHERS
A few minutes later, I put on my school uniform and headed downstairs. I didnât want to be late for my first class with Mrs. Heinie.
I stopped in the front hall. From the back of the house I could hear screams and a sharp, stinging soundâ slap slap slap .
Just some guys having fun in the shower room. Slapping one another silly with wet towels.
The Rotten School is a very old school. And we have a lot of wonderful, old traditions here. Wet-towel smacking is one of our favorites.
I stepped back and listenedâ¦.
âOw!â
âGood one, Zuckerman!â
âOw!â
âGood one, Klooper!â
Hey, I love the sound of snapping towels. Know why? Because I rent out the towels.
Guys donât mind paying fifty cents a towel when they know theyâre getting a good smack for their money.
I stepped out the front door and down the steps. Then I started to jog across the Great Lawn to class.
It was a sunny September day. The grass sparkled. The sky was cloudless and blue.
My backpack bounced on my back. It was empty.
Belzer was carrying all of my books