for me.
Good kid, Belzer.
I stopped when I saw the crowd of kids on the grass. They were gathered around the statue of I. B. Rotten. What were they doing there?
I. B. Rotten was the guy who started this school a hundred years ago. Guess who he named it after?
Old I. B. was my kind of guy: a zillionaire. He made his money by owning grocery stores all over the U.S., called Rotten Food Shoppes.
The statue of I. B. Rotten stands on a pedestal in the center of the Great Lawn. He has a very long nose that looks like an animal snout. He has tiny, round eyes and short, furry hair.
He looks a lot like an anteater wearing a suit. But The Rotten School Student Guidebook says on page three that he was human.
Last spring, someone who I wonât nameâFeenmanâsnuck out one night and painted the long nose on the statue bright red.
Feenman is really into painting things red. Itâs kind of his hobby.
Anyway, they tried for months, but no one could get the paint off the statue. So now it looks like I. B. Rotten always has a very bad cold.
Why were all the kids huddling around the statue this morning? I saw Feenman and Crench in the crowd. I hurried over to them.
âWhatâs up? Whatâs all the excitement?â
Chapter 4
M Y A RCHENEMY
Crench didnât say a word. He just pointed.
I let out a groan when I saw the kid in the center of the crowd. That spoiled rich kid, Sherman Oaks. My archenemy.
He had a big, toothy grin on his face. He was holding up a glowing object, waving it around to the crowd.
Sherman lives in the dorm across from Rotten House, the dorm we all hate. I canât even say the name of his dorm. When I say it, my teeth curl, my nose twitches, and my lips swell up like salamis.
Itâs calledâ¦Itâs calledâ¦(deep breath, Bernie)â¦NYCE House.
What kind of kid would want to live in a dorm called Nyce House?
More kids joined the crowd around Sherman. Kids were oohing and aahing .
Something glowed like gold on Shermanâs wrist. What was he showing off this time?
I started to push my way through the crowd. But I stopped when I saw April-May June standing next to Sherman. She was holding on to his arm, smiling at him.
April-May June. The hottest, coolest girl in the whole fourth grade. April-May has wavy blond hair,shiny blue eyes, and a smile almost as dazzling as mine. The girl is totally crazy nuts about me. Only she doesnât know it yet.
I elbowed some gawking fifth graders aside and stepped up to Sherman. âWhat is that on your wrist?â I asked. âSome kind of skin rash? Have you tried calamine lotion?â
Sherman turned and flashed me his smug, sixty-five-tooth smile. âItâs my new digital watch, Bernie,â he said. He shoved it in front of my face. The sunlight beamed off the gold band, so bright it hurt my eyes.
âIt has forty-two different functions,â Sherman said. âAnd it cost five hundred dollars. My parentssent it to me because they think they can buy my love with fancy electronics.â
My mouth dropped open. Forty-two functions?
April-May squeezed Shermanâs arm. âShow him what it can do, Shermy.â
Shermy??
MY girlfriend (only she didnât know it yet) was calling Sherman Oaks Shermy?
Sherman swung the watch up so everyone could see it.
Give me a break. Why didnât they stop all that oohing and ahhing ?
âWell, itâs a camera, of course,â Sherman said. âAnd a video player. A phone. A palm pilot. An MP3 player. A printer. A tiny computer. Hereâs the keyboard.â
He pushed a button, and a computer keyboard slid out. Then he pushed another button, and a piano keyboard appeared.
âIt has a small George Foreman grill on it,â Sherman announced. He opened the lid and showed it to everyone.
I turned to Crench. âItâs got to weigh two hundred pounds,â I snickered. âHeâll sprain his wrist.â
That was Crench