Free Payback by Melody Carlson Page A

we say good-bye and hang up. It sounds quiet downstairs again, and I briefly consider going down and trying to make peace with my mom, but then I decide it might be better to wait until she makes the first move. I don’t see any point in talking to her until she’s ready. Who knows how long it will take her to get over this?
    Maybe the only thing I can do to help is to pray for her. And hearing Zach say how he’s realized his need for God does give me new hope for Mom. Sometimes it takes some hard knocks to get us to the place where we finally cry out to God for help. Maybe that’s what will happen with Mom.
    On Thursday I drive over to McKinley High. Ebony has arranged for me to be on campus for the entire day. I go to the office, where they’re expecting me and have even prepared a fake schedule for me. I’ve studied the yearbook and am hoping that I’ll see something to tip us off today. Maybe I can spot and even meet the girl who will be wearing the pale green dress later.
    “You can’t tell us what this is about?” asks the vice principal with obvious curiosity. “Not even a hint?”
    “Sorry.” I give him a serious look.
    “Police business.” He nods firmly. “Detective Hamilton assured us that you’d be keeping it under wraps.”
    “For now, at least.”
    “Well, good luck.”
    It’s kind of interesting, at least to begin with, doing investigative work while incognito, but as the day slowly (very slowly) winds down, I almost forget that I’m not really at school. Also, I’m missing my friends and realizing how it feels to be the new girl at a school where no one seems to want to meet me. Not that I’m trying to make friends, but the kids here seem pretty self-absorbed. Of course, I’m sure my school would be the same way for a newcomer. This is a good reminder to me to be more friendly when a new student comes on campus.
    By the end of the day, I feel seriously discouraged. I have not spotted the girl. And although I’ve eavesdropped on various conversations that seemed prom related, I’m not finding out anything that seems to be helpful or even terribly informative. However, seeing these students and remembering my dream, I feel more determined than ever to stop this. I cannot imagine what it would feel like to be here at this school next week if a number of the students had been brutally murdered over the weekend. Ebony said that if we had concrete evidence that McKinley was really the school in my dreams, we might be able to cancel or postpone the prom, but as it is, we don’t know this for sure. It’s as if our hands are tied. And I can’t help but feel partially to blame.
    As I drive back to Brighton, I try to make sense of my life. Rather, I try to figure out what God is up to in my life. For starters…this thing with Steven. Did God try to show me this before and I just missed it? My intuitions about Steven were negative from the get-go. As were Zach’s. And yet I assumed it was just because I resented that he sort of monopolized Mom’s time and attention. But maybe I wasn’t paying attention. Maybe God gave me those intuitions as a warning. But so much was going on…the thing with Zach…and Felicity. How am I supposed to keep track of all these things?
    Finally I realize that all I can do is simply give it back to God. I believe He made me…He gave me this gift…it’s up to Him to sort it out. All I can do is be available and willing. Fretting over it will not help one bit. But prayer will. And so I decide to commit the rest of this afternoon to prayer. And as weird as it sounds, I go home and go inside my closet to do this. Jesus taught that we shouldn’t make a big deal about praying, and we should never do it for attention. So I follow His advice and go into my closet and close the door, and to my amazement, it’s very cool. And by the time I emerge, feeling slightly like a mole as I blink in the light, I am at peace. Somehow God is going to work things out. I believe