Free Summer 2007 by Subterranean Press Page B

for?”
    “The police are watching my every move,” he explained.
“If I try to leave the city, they’ll stop me and search me.”
    “No,” I said.
    “No, what?” he asked.
    “No, I ain’t gonna try to smuggle them out of the city
for you,” I said. “I’m a foreigner too. They’ll search me, find the diamonds,
and I’ll rot in some Brazilian jail while you go free as a bird.”
    He shook his head. “Oh, ye of little faith.”
    “I got faith, and to spare,” I shot back. “What I ain’t
got is a death wish.”
    “Everything has been arranged,” he said. “You will be
able to leave the city right under the nose of the police.”
    “And they’ll ignore me, huh?” I said sarcastically.
    “No, my dear friend,” he replied. “They’ll applaud you.”
    “What in tarnation are you talking about?” I demanded.
    “It is Carnival! ” he said. “And you are in a
costume warehouse!”
    “The most valuable diamonds in the country have been
stolen, and you think that anyone wearing a costume can dance right out of
town?” I said. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
    He shook his head. “No, they’ll search you top to bottom,”
he said. “But they’ll never find the Pebbles of God.”
    “If they’re that well hid,” I said, “why don’t you take
‘em out yourself? What do you need me for?”
    “While you’re taking them to our appointed meeting
place, I’m going to be convincing the police that I still have them,” he
explained. “I have been hiding since I stole them, but once you’re on your way,
I plan to show myself and lead them a merry chase in the opposite direction,
which will take most of their attention away from you, and result in at best a
cursory examination. Possibly the police will catch me, possibly they
won’t–but even if they do, they will eventually have to let me go since I
won’t have the diamonds.” He looked sharply at me. “Your fee will be one-third
of the take.”
    “Seems to me that the guy what’s carrying the diamonds
is taking most of the risks,” I said, “and ought to be making most of the
money.”
    “All right,” he said. “Fifty-fifty.”
    “Sixty-thirty,” I said.
    He frowned. “That’s only ninety.”
    “God gets ten percent. As His spokesman on Earth, I’ll
hold it in escrow for Him.”
    He considered it for a moment, then shook his head.
“Fifty-fifty or it’s no deal.”
    “What about God?” I demanded.
    “You can split your half with Him any way you want,” he
said. “Now, are you in or out?”
    “First show me how you think I’m gonna waltz right by
the police and then I’ll tell you.”
    “Here,” he said, pulling a glittery toga and a pair of
gold sandals out of a pocket. “Put these on.”
    He began walking off.
    “Where are you going?” I said.
    “Just get dressed,” he answered, opening a side door I
didn’t even know was there. “I’ll be right back.”
    I doffed my duds and clambered into the toga, which
truth to tell felt a little drafty down at the south end of it, and then
strapped on the sandals. I’d just finished when I heard a snort that sure
didn’t sound like von Horst. I looked up, and there he was, leading in a
smart-looking chestnut horse what was attached to a gold chariot.
    I took a deep breath and wrinkled my nose.
    “What’s the matter?” he said.
    “Your horse smells of fish,” I told him.
    He smiled. “That’s not the horse. It’s part of your
costume.” He reached into the chariot and pulled out a trident with a pair of
fish on it. “You’re Neptune, King of the Ocean.”
    “Couldn’t I lose the fish and be King of the Desert?” I
said.
    He shook his head. “Look at all the fish designs on your
chariot. You’ve got to be Neptune. We don’t want to draw any unnecessary
attention to you.”
    “I’m a gringo riding a chariot, wearing a skirt, and
carrying a bunch of dead fish,” I said. “Don’t you that that will draw
attention?”
    “Not in