Free Coconuts and Wonderbras by Lynda Renham Page B

wouldn’t she?
        ‘Am I missing something? What exactly have you had done?’ asks Penelope, in an upper-crust horsey drawl while squinting at me.
        ‘I’ve had a sex change,’ I reply not missing a beat.
    Jamie sniggers and Alex seems to bite his lip. Penelope, however, continues to look curiously at me. Good God, she believes it. After a moment of staring, she turns to Alex and kisses him on the cheek.
        ‘Well, I must fly. I’ve got to pack for Beijing. I’m flying first thing tomorrow. Meetings with Chanel delegates there,’ she says flicking back her hair. ‘I still have heaps of emails to answer. I’ll see you later at the house honey. God, I hope that cleaner woman has managed to tidy up the muddle. Don’t you just hate moving countries? And cleaners are a nightmare aren’t they?’ she says airily, looking at me.
        ‘Oh, yes absolutely,’ I say stupidly.
    I barely move counties, what would I know? As for cleaners, well I’m more likely to be one than to have one.
    She sweeps past without a second glance. There is silence.
        ‘Was it the testosterone from the other day?’ asks Alex breaking it and grinning at me.
        ‘Oh sharp, very sharp,’ laughs Jamie.
    I give them a dismissive look. Jamie makes a show of pulling himself together and sits behind his desk before gesturing to me to sit down.
        ‘Right, glossing over your sex change,’ he says and bursts out laughing again.
    I sit down and glance at the clock on the wall. I really want to get to the shops before they close. I spot a photo of Jamie with his Filipino boyfriend at a fancy-dress party and let out a snort. Honestly, he has only known him a matter of days.
        ‘So, what are your plans for Christmas?’ he asks.
    He isn’t going to invite me to a gay party is he? Toby will never go to that. We will spend the whole evening with Toby’s arse suctioned to a wall. I will rush around fetching drinks and food while he glues himself into a position where his arse cannot be seen. No, I don’t think so. I would much rather spend Christmas Eve watching a Christmassy movie cuddled up on the couch.
        ‘I still have loads of Christmas shopping to do. In fact, I have all my Christmas shopping to do. Then there is a tree to buy and…’
    Jamie shifts in his seat and looks uncomfortably at Alex. I am starting to get a bad feeling about this.
        ‘Why are you asking me?’ I say bluntly.
    No point beating about the bush. After all, it will be Christmas soon, and Toby and I will be back together. I must be forgiving about Serena Lambert. Toby obviously isn’t in love with her, and he probably just wanted to be seen with a slim woman, and do you blame him? I’ll buy a book on the art of forgiveness by the Dalai Lama or someone, and make a determined effort to keep to my diet.
        ‘We have ourselves a bit of a situation,’ says Bryant, calmly.
    Jamie pushes some papers towards me.
        ‘The rebellion in Cambodia is building momentum. They have the elections soon. Colonel Kuma Pong, the present governor, is hoping to get re-elected.’
    Fascinating, but what has this got to do with me?
        ‘Well, I am mighty glad I am not there then,’ I laugh nervously, pushing the papers back at him. I really don’t like the serious looks on their faces.
        ‘The annual Ventura book fair is being held this January in Cambodia, and Alex will be attending. His new book The Smiling People’s Revolution has been chosen for all the major awards. We have a TV interview booked out thereand… Well, anyway we’ve managed to get most things brought forward because of the high security risk. Alex, as you know, has accused Kuma Pong of corruption on more than one occasion, and he isn’t going to like Alex being in the country at election time…’
    So, he’s going to Cambodia again. That’s good news.
        ‘Yes, well, that has nothing to do with me,’ I break in. I really don’t